Not long ago, we got wind of one of the more head-scratching new projects of late--a "reimagining" of Robert Louis Stevenson's The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, to star Forrest Whitaker and 50 Cent. But since May when the project was announced, it's been pretty much kept under wraps, until now.On Friday, 50 Cent--a.k.a. the world's worst actor--finally broke the silence, talking to MTV about the movie and his role in it:
"It's gonna be intense. [Abel Ferrara] is an excellent director, so his creative ideas will definitely be an injective into what it's actually gonna turn out to be."
A free Vault of Horror T-shirt to anyone who can explain to me what that even means... Anyway, Ferrara, some of you may know, was the director of the controversial and acclaimed 1992 Harvel Keitel film Bad Lieutenant, and of course Whitaker is one of the finest actors of our time (if you haven't seen The Last King of Scotland yet, do so immediately). Mr. Cent, however, is just another rapper wannabe-actor littering our beloved genre with his presence. Sigh...Fitty even acknowledged the running gag of no one being sure which actor was going to play which role. For the record, according the MC, he will be playing Mr. Hyde, and Whitaker will be Dr. Jekyll. Also, the film will be modernized to take place in the present day. Shooting is set to begin at the end of the summer.
John Barrymore. Fredric March. Spencer Tracy. Jack Palance. Michael Caine. John Malkovich. 50 Cent. "One of these things is not like the other..."
The sad thing is, this would have the potential to be quite excellent with Whitaker playing both Jekyll and Hyde, as every actor who has ever previously tackled the role has done. But with the stone-faced and marble-mouthed rapper stepping into the juicy part, its much more likely that this film will be an embarrassment than anything else. As someone who has been anxiously awaiting a new adaptation of Stevenson's novel, color me frustrated.
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In the grand tradition of Day of the Woman's "This Just In" posts, I had two random images I wanted to share with you tonight. They're from the fifth birthday party of my son Skeleton Jack (a.k.a. Wee-Sol). As most of you may have gathered from our vlog yesterday, Wee-Sol is a rabid Godzilla-phile like his old man, so it was no wonder that he chose Big G as the theme for his party!
Check out the boss cake, made using a high-res jpeg I snagged off the internet. Stop-n-Shop was able to scan the image and slap it on the cake in the form of delicious sugary goodness! What will they think of next?
Later on, it was Godzilla vs. A bunch of kids, as we strung up the pinata effigy of the radioactive monster in the backyard... OK, so Godzilla isn't blue. Yeah, it's just a random T-Rex pinata. Look, we did the best we could. They couldn't tell the diff anyway, the clueless little partygoers. Anyway, here's a shot of the lynched lizard, moments before I had to step in and decapitate him with a Swiffer handle...
"It's gonna be intense. [Abel Ferrara] is an excellent director, so his creative ideas will definitely be an injective into what it's actually gonna turn out to be."
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'm stupid enough to give this a go...
"It's going to be intense"
Roughly this translates as, 'it's going to be packed full of car chases, shoot outs and minimal on the dialogue' – You know, just as Mr Stevenson wrote it.
"[Abel Ferrara] is an excellent director"
This translates as, 'I've heard that [some director] will cast me in a film'
"so his creative ideas will definitely be an injective"
Now then, this means, 'I'm so stoked to be cast in another film, despite my terrible, terrible acting that I'm going to make up some new words'
Or
Fiddy is actually referring to some complex mathematics:
"In mathematics, an injective function is a function which associates distinct arguments with distinct values; that is, every unique argument produces a unique result."
Which, if you think about it, makes more sense than casting the non-acting rapper in a(nother) remake of RLS's classic.
And now the final bit:
"into what it's actually gonna turn out to be."
'Awful'.
So, putting it together we get:
"it's going to be packed full of car chases, shoot outs and minimal on the dialogue. I've heard that [some director] will cast me in a film despite my terrible, terrible acting and I'm so happy that I'm going to either make up some new words or quote obscure mathematics... It's going to be that bad, awful even"
Anyway, whilst technically not a film, see if you can get hold of the British BBC drama production, 'Jekyll' starring the excellent John Hannah. Well worth it if you can get it: http://www.bbc.co.uk/drama/jekyll/
I bow to your brilliance...
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I've heard great things about that BBC version. I need to check it out.
"Mr. Cent, however, is just another rapper wannabe-actor littering our beloved genre with his presence. Sigh..."
ReplyDeleteIts an attitude like that which makes me ashamed to be a horror hound.
Busta Rhymes in Halloween: Resurrection
ReplyDeleteIce Cube in Ghosts of Mars
Ice-T in Leprechaun in the Hood
Coolio in Dracula 3000
Snoop Dogg in Bones
Redman in Seed of Chucky
Sticky Fingaz in House of the Dead 2
THESE are the things that make me ashamed to be a horror hound.
But forgive me, Jekyll & Hyde starring 50 Cent is sure to be a cinematic tour-de-force. I don't know what I was thinking...
Ugh. Another movie I will certainly not go to see. Terrible.
ReplyDeleteI think you nailed it when you said Whitaker would be a good choice to play both Jeckyll and Hyde. It would also make more sense financially to not overpay the hip hop talent for acting badly. And it is not as if Whitaker, in addition to being an excellent actor, isn't a box office draw.
But what if Whitaker is Hyde? He can be very sinister when he wants to be, and it would be funny to see Fiddy have to play it straight. Maybe the stone face will help.
Otherwise this might end up being a more violent rendition of The Nutty Professor.
Unfortunately, 50 states in the interview directly that he is indeed Mr. Hyde. Either way, maximum suckage...
ReplyDeleteWhy is 50 Cent still famous? Why is he making movies? Why, why, why?
ReplyDeleteThat quote is wonderful beyond words, though. I have a lot of creative ideas that could be an injective into what 50's career is going to be like in 5 years.
Also, thanks for your rundown of rappers in the horror world. My personal win goes to Busta's mind-boggling irritating performance in the Halloween movie.
-Billy
i dont care about you getting ahead of yourself on 50 cents performance-to-be. Its no different then getting caught up in this remake craze, yes there is garbage, yes there is garbage in every genre, get past it. But I guess you nailed it, Change-for-a-dollars primary goal is to make horror hounds angry by making *OUR* genre even less reputable.
ReplyDeleteand busta in halloween was great.
Was not!
ReplyDeleteHow's that for intelligent discourse??
It's been long enough since we've had a good blaxploitation version of a classic horror story that I'll take this, and happily.
ReplyDeleteIf only William Marshall were still alive to play a small, but vital, role.
Something Stinks in Denmark! I Smell Box Ofice Stink Bomb!
ReplyDeleteAccording to the Oxford English Dictionary "injective" is actually a math term meaning "Of the nature of or pertaining to an injection"
ReplyDeleteI think he's saying working with an excellent director like Abel Ferrara is going to be intense and Ferrara's ideas will contribute positively the the final product.
I dunno. It just goes to show that rappers shouldn't try to use more complicated words than lettuce, or bling.
50 Cent in a horror film. I'm already scared. If he's playing Hyde, then there's at least a chance his dialogue will be minimal. Fingers crossed.
ReplyDelete