The Vault of Horror & Day of the Woman Present: The REAL 20 Greatest Vampires of All Time

There it was, staring me in the face, mocking me with its awfulness to come up with something better. When Entertainment Weekly's 20 Greatest Vampires list was brought to my attention via Day of the Woman yesterday, it took all I had not to pull an Elvis on my computer screen. I'm not one to rip EW apart as others do, I often enjoy their lists. But this had to be one of the most wrong-headed abominations I've ever seen.

I won't get into the details of what makes it so atrocious, as that was covered yesterday quite succinctly by BJ-C. And before anyone instructs me to get down off my high horse, let me explain something. I know that EW's list is meant for mainstream consumption, and is not intended with hardcore horror fans in mind. I also know a thing or two about how these lists are put together, having worked for years for a consumer magazine myself. However, none of this means I have to like it. Nor does it mean that horror fans should sit idly by and accept it.

Therefore, I'll remain on my high horse, thank you very much, and bestow upon the worthy horror faithful, a list of the 20 Greatest Vampires of All Time that we can be proud of:

1. Count Graf Orlok (1922 Nosferatu)
2. Dracula (as portrayed by Bela Lugosi)
3. Dracula (as portrayed by Christopher Lee)
4. Lestat de Lioncourt (Anne Rice's creation, not the woefully miscast Tom Cruise)
5. Eli
6. Vampirella
7. Carmilla
8. John & Miriam (The Hunger)
9. Countess Marya Zaleska
10. Sir Frances Varney
11. Barlow
12. Blade
13. Lord Ruthven
14. Caleb & Mae (Near Dark)
15. Dracula (as portrayed by Gary Oldman)
16. Bill Compton
17. Morbius
18. Jerry Dandridge
19. Vampire Hunter D
20. Vicente (of the 30 Days of Night graphic novel)

You're welcome. Suck on that, Entertainment Weekly.

Tweet

Pin It