"A REALLY INTELLIGENT INTERVIEWER." -- Lance Henriksen
"QUITE SIMPLY, THE BEST HORROR-THEMED BLOG ON THE NET." -- Joe Maddrey, Nightmares in Red White & Blue

**Find The Vault of Horror on Facebook and Twitter, or download the new mobile app!**

**Check out my other blogs, Standard of the Day, Proof of a Benevolent God and Lots of Pulp!**


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Tuesday Too Scared to Watch It Twice: Week Two

After a week's hiatus, the stars have once again aligned, and Missy Yearian of Chickapin Parish and myself are in your face at last with more examples of horror flicks we're too chickenshit to ever sit down and watch again. Gape in amazement at our weak-heartedness this week, as we bemoan how deeply traumatized we were by two of the true standouts of exploitation cinema, past and present...

Inside (2007)

I actually reviewed this bit of French depravity right here in the Vault, not long after it first came out. And if memory served, I described it as a film which "challenges the definition of entertainment." And now, a couple of years later, I stand by that assertion. Yes, Inside is an excellent movie, and yes it deserve recognition as one of the must-see horror flicks of the past decade. Nevertheless, after that first must-see experience, I can honestly say I have no plans of ever putting it in my DVD player again.

Maybe it hits a little too close to home. Maybe being a parent is what makes it difficult to get through. Perhaps it's the brutal realism of all the gore, and how far removed it is from the cartoonishness that usually makes extreme violence in film more palatable. Simply put, Inside packs one hell of a punch and doesn't let up. It's far from what anyone would describe as a fun bit of recreation.

Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury are no doubt to be commending for crafting a superior thriller. In fact, they've done their job so well that I still get chills thinking about the things I saw as their movie washed over me in the dark that night. It took me to places I didn't want to go, and held me there far longer than I was comfortable staying. Yes, this is in some ways the mark of great art, and I'd be hard pressed to say that Inside isn't great art. It probably is. I just can't stomach that much unpleasantness. Call me what you want. I've heard worse.

Ironically, despite my trepidations, I will say that it's a film that should be seen, even if it's only that one time. It's raw, powerful, and never anything less than completely gripping. Just prepare to be disturbed. The subject matter is certainly beyond the pale for anyone who is merely a casual genre viewer. And I'm sure there are plenty of hardcore fanatics more than equipped to sit through repeated viewings of a film about a stalker trying to rip an unborn fetus from a woman's belly. I'm just not one of them.



...And now, I pass the mic to Missy, who shares her aversion to Meir Zarchi's nasty ode to rape revenge...

I Spit on Your Grave (a.k.a. Day of the Woman) (1978)

It took me about twenty-eight years to have the courage to watch this movie. No, really, I thought about it for years before I finally queued it up and had the courage to sit down and watch it. For the first ten or fifteen minutes, I was really okay. I thought, “Gee. This isn’t so bad. I’m sure it can’t get much worse.”

And then there’s that rape scene. Twenty-six minutes of sexual violence and four moments of penetration is more than I can handle and keep my sanity intact. It should be more than anyone can handle. While viewing Jenny Hill’s abuse, I had the though that I must be implicated in the proceedings because I sat there complacently and watched. It’s a very Kitty Genovese situation, no? Of course, this idea of implicating the viewer is nothing new, and in fact, it’s been used to much greater effect by directors from Wes Craven (The Last House on the Left) to Michael Haneke (Funny Games). But the complicity in I Spit on Your Grave is different than the other films that employ this technique. I Spit on Your Grave covers your very skin in its filth. Never before have I felt so compelled to shower after seeing a film.

Ultimately, what makes the difference in Meir Zarchi’s film is that it is filled with hate and misogyny. No matter how hard people try to defend it, you just can’t get away from the fact that it murders its own believability in the service of its own misogynistic impulses. This becomes clear in the two scenes in which Jenny seduces her abusers. There is no excuse for such blatant woman-hating, and I myself find myself sickened just thinking about the scene in which Jenny climbs into a bathtub with Johnny and gives him a handjob—even though that handjob is followed by a castration.

Many people hold this film up as a perfect example of Grindhouse exploitation cinema, and they wouldn’t be wrong to do so. However, that descriptor (I think we can all agree here) certainly doesn’t mean the film is good or that’s it’s worth a moment of your time. And while I fully admit to seeing rape revenge films due to a sadistic revenge fantasy I myself harbor, the justice in this film is not worth the abuses you’ll endure to witness it.

When Jenny stumbles through the woods thinking she’s escaped her rapists, she finds herself once again in their clutches. This happens again and again, and as an audience member, you’ll feel what Jenny feels. You’ll beg for the scene to end. You’ll beg to be set free. And when you are, it’ll be much too late. This film will have gained power over you, and it’s something from which you might never recover.

Monday, October 18, 2010

VIVA LA ZOMBIE! It Takes a Village... Invasion, That Is

Well, the day finally arrived. Last Saturday night, the long-awaited Village Invasion, the brainchild of Captain Cruella, was at unleashed upon the populace of Saugerties, New York. And yours truly was honored and privileged to be a part of it. I know I've been pushing the hell out of it here in the Vault as of late, so you may be wondering just what it was all about.

Imagine a zombie walk, only to the tenth power. With an entire town fully involved, businesses staying open all night and participating, movies shown on building walls. That's what it was all about. This was an event, in the truest sense of the word. Lots and lots of horror films are covered here in the Vault--but this was a horror happening. And a zombie freak's dream come true.

As for little old me, I was tickled pink to be asked to be one of the judges for the zombie costume contest, which, needless to say, was a blast. These people really put their all into being the best ghouls they could be, and the decision was not easy. But when a guy shows up with a zombie baby puppet in his arms, well, the Dead Alive fan in me just can't resist calling that man the winner as Best Overall Zombie. I'm also proud to say that Lady Gaga Zombie took home Best Celebrity Zombie. And even though Little Red Riding Zombie wasn't exactly a true zombie pinup, neither I, nor anyone else, was about to complain when she took home the prize in that category....


It's rather difficult to describe the thrill of pulling up to see, splashed across the side of a building, the original Night of the Living Dead, along with other horror films of my own selection--projected for all to enjoy as the festivities carried on. Certainly gratifying, and something of a culmination of much of the work I've been putting into growing the VoH over the years.

So what else did you miss? Well, you missed the opportunity to own a Vault of Horror T-shirt, that's for sure. (But fear not, for I accept PayPal orders at mysteriouswufang @ yahoo.com, or just shoot me an email and we can do business. Fifteen smackers, all sizes...) Ahem, anyway--you also missed your chance to partake of a Vault of Horror shooter. If you have absolutely no regard for your own well-being, and you'd like to recreate it, simply mix some vodka, Sambuca and Jagermeister in a shot glass and enjoy! (Just don't say I didn't warn you...)

In short, it was a killer time, and one which I never would have been able to enjoy and participate in like I did were it not for The Vault of Horror. Special thanks go to my newfound paisan Perri Naccarato of The Computer Guys, who made the movie projection possible, as well as to the fine people of the Dutch Ale House for concocting the VoH shooters, and the lovely Hudson Valley Horrors for helping to peddle my wares.

But most of all, thanks and applause to Captain Cruella for being such an incessant social networking maniac, and whipping the whole thing up out of thin air! As well as for allowing The Vault of Horror to be a part of it. With a little luck, and a lot of ingenuity, here's hoping that the Village Invasion Zombie Crawl will become a Saugerties tradition!



Photo Credits (top to bottom):
J.D. Fielding Photography: 1, 3 & 4
Del Higgins Fine Art Photography & Photoart: 2, 5, 6 & 7

* * * * * * * * * *

And the alliance continues... Come down to Stamford, Connecticut's Avon Theatre this Thursday evening at 8pm, when Cruella and I will be hosting a 25th anniversary screening of The Return of the Living Dead, with a very special top-secret second feature as well!

OR... If you happen to reside in the Chicago area, I'm proud to announce that on that very same evening, my own beloved sister blogger BJ-C of Day of the Woman will be introducing Let the Right One In at the Rialto Cinemas in Macomb, Illinois! Now that's synergy, people...

Friday, October 15, 2010

The Shadow of Samhain: Witches and Halloween

This time I bring you the one and only Amanda Norman, UK photographer and writer extraordinaire, who is responsible for the The Vault's current outstanding banner. Amanda has chosen to explore the connection between witches and Halloween, a subject I understand will be explored further as the Shadow of Samhain series progresses....

I have been fascinated by witches and Halloween for as long as I can remember.

When I was a teenager, I was informed by my mother that we are descendants of Old Chattox, aka Anne Whittle who was tried and hung for witchcraft at Lancaster Castle, Lancashire, UK in 1612.

Better known as ‘The Pendle Witches’ due to them living in or around Pendle Hill in Lancashire, Old Chattox was head of one of the two families accused, the other being Old Demdyke and her family. The two families hated each other as it was believed that a member of Old Chattox’s family broke into Malkin Tower, the home of the Demdykes and stole belongings.

Between the two families, they were accused of murdering ten people and they more than likely hung themselves as they saw an opportunity to get revenge by accusing each other.

How it Started

Alizon Device, granddaughter of Old Demdyke encountered a peddler and asked him for some pins. It wasn’t clear if she was begging, but the peddler refused and a couple of minutes later suffered a huge stroke that killed him. Back in the 1600’s superstition was rife and it was believed that Device cast a spell to kill the peddler. Alizon upon being questioned confessed that she had sold her soul to the Devil. Alizon’s brother James also stated that his sister had confessed to bewitching a local child. Alizon also accused Old Chattox of murdering four men by witchcraft and of killing her father John Device who had died in 1601. Her father was said to have been so frightened of Old Chattox and her powers that he had agreed to give her 8lbs of oatmeal each year in return for the safety of his family. The oatmeal was handed over each year, but stopped a year before his death and John confessed on his deathbed that his sickness had been caused by Old Chattox for him not paying protection.

Elizabeth Device when being questioned claimed that her mother, Old Demdyke, had the mark of the Devil upon her body known to you and I today as a birthmark. I have the mark of the Devil upon me, but luckily I’m living in an era where superstition and ignorance isn’t paramount.

Have you ever asked yourself why witches are associated with Halloween?

Old hags with warts on their broomsticks or stirring a cauldron are associated with Halloween, but why?

Celtic belief tells the story of the old God dying on Samhain (Halloween) and the Crone Goddess mourns his death for the next six weeks by stirring her cauldron of life for all dead souls to return.

Samhain is the celebration to mark the end of the third and final harvest and is a day to commune with and remember the dead.

Walpurgis Night is the eve of May Day, (May 1) and is often associated with witches celebrating the oncoming of Spring in Central and Northern Europe. Another connection I personally have with this is that my Mother was born on May Day. Many countries celebrate this by lighting bonfires and burning straw witches and broomsticks.

You might be asking yourself if I’m a witch.

No I’m not; I do however claim the souls of models who dare to pose for one of my dark portraits....

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Thursday Guilty Pleasure: Week Two

Well, kids, it's The Vault of Horror's third anniversary today--and what better way to celebrate than to regale you with my love for cheesy Japanese monsters and little boys in ridiculous shorts? That's right, it's time for another edition of Thursday Guilty Pleasure, brought to by yours truly and Missy Yearian of Chickapin Parish, the poor misguided soul who seems to derive joy from the nadir of Dario Argento's career. Read on...

Godzilla's Revenge (1968)

Speaking of nadirs, this happens to be, by everyone's estimation, the ultimate lowpoint of the entire classic Showa series of Godzilla films from Toho. To that I say, pshaw. That's right! Pshaw. Because Godzilla's Revenge--as you would know if you listened to my recent Vaultcast with Miguel Rodriguez--brings me, and has always brought me, a disproportionate amount of pleasure.

By the late 1960s, Toho had completely given in to the fact that the main fans of the Godzilla series were little children. And so, instead of trying to make truly excellent films like Ishiro Honda's original Gojira, they started cranking out blatant kiddie fare, created without any intention of being anything but fluff. But once you accept that this isn't Gojira...well, Godzilla's Revenge can be a whole lot of fun.

You've got the little boy Ichiro, who aroused more jealousy in me than any other cinematic boy aside from possibly Elliot in E.T. You see, Ichiro had a magical machine that could transport him to Monster Island to hang out Big G and the rest of the gang. OK, so he was only dreaming, but that didn't make it any less awesome to me. I wanted to be that boy, and I wanted to chill with Anguirus, Gorosaurus and the rest of the kaiju crew.

Then, of course, there's Minya. That's right, I was the world's biggest Minya fan. Godzilla's little son (although paternity was never incontrovertibly established) completely captured my imagination, with his Don Knotts-like voice and classic smoke-ring blowing abilities. Yes, he may be the most maligned member of the Japanese movie monster fraternity, but I'm not too much of a snob to admit I loved the goofy-looking guy--and somewhere, in my grown-up heart, I still do. So take that, purists!

Godzilla's Revenge is a whole lot fun--not to mention the perfect gateway Godzilla film for little kids. So let's all get off the high horse, kick back and enjoy it's silly goodness, shall we? After all, what better way to learn a lesson about how to deal with bullying than by watching Godzilla duke it out with something that looks like a cross between a giraffe and a cat?



And now, I toss it over to Ms. Yearian, and her Guilty Pleasure for this week...

Mother of Tears (2007)

There is something special about Italian horror, no? All of us genre fans have a little place in our heart for those crazy Italians—mostly Lucio Fulci and Dario Argento. They make what we like to call “style over substance” movies. Hell, I’ve never seen a Lucio Fulci movie make much sense. Argento, however, is somehow a master at this particular kind of filmmaking. His movies are generally among the most visually beautiful you’ll ever see (see Suspiria or Tenebre).

This is why I was so surprised to discover that he’d botched Mother of Tears so badly. Holy hell, is that movie a mess or what? I mean, the acting is abysmal. The visuals are absurd. The story makes no sense. It should be the greatest cinematic disappointment of the decade.

But for some reason, it just isn’t. Don’t get me wrong. This is one of the worst horror movies I have ever seen. It’s an absolute disaster. But I’ve got such a girl boner for it that I can hardly believe it. That’s right, folks. I love Mother of Tears.

What makes the movie such a treat is the absolute shamelessness with which Argento made it. From the beginning, wherein a woman is strangled with her own intestines, the film is an experiment in absurdity. If I were to give you a highlight reel, it would look like the worst films of the eighties (a decade Argento seems to still be stuck in). A good example of this is the monkey (is it really a monkey? A baboon? Who knows?) that chases Sarah all over Italy. One could also cite the people chasing her on the train, what with their decidedly Duran Duran hairdos and makeup stylings.

But the real treat of Mother of Tears is the titular witch. Sporting a big, bouncy hairdo and the glossiest red lips you’ve ever seen, she’s no more terrifying than your average glance at your family photo albums. Upon first seeing her, I thought, “What? This is the worst of the three mothers? But she’s so eighties!”

All right, all right, truth be told, when I first saw Mother of Tears, I thought it was awful. I thought it was the worst possible ending to a fantastic trilogy. But then I saw it again. And, I don’t know, folks. You’ve got to admire Argento’s moxy. He made one atrociously bad movie (and yes, a bad ending to the trilogy), but it’s sure got style, doesn’t it?



* * * * * * * * * *

Yes, you read correctly up there at the top. Today is the third birthday of The Vault of Horror--which began here, if you'd care to check out the very first, completely unimpressive post. So to just keep it brief, I'd like to thank everyone, both colleagues and readers alike, for supporting this blog and helping it grow into what it is today. I can assure you... you ain't seen nothing yet.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

VAULTCAST: Conversations in the Dark... w/Captain Cruella

The spot: A clandestine, undisclosed location on the New York/Connecticut border. The guest: Captain Cruella, Zombie Queen of the Carnivorous Cadavers. The cuisine: Confidential.

We're here to discuss a fascinating phenomenon in our popular culture: The rise of the zombie. Face it, our undead friends are everywhere, and the movies are just the beginning. They have infiltrated our world, metaphorically speaking. And on Saturday in Saugerties, New York, they will do so literally (well, heh, almost) thanks to Cruella's Village Invasion zombie crawl, which we also touch on (including The Vault of Horror's involvement in the event).

Listen in on all the ghoulish shenanigans on the embedded player below, or head over to the Vaultcast page and download it!



The Village Invasion website
The Captain on Twitter
Press release

Monday, October 11, 2010

TRAILER TRASH: George Romero Edition!























Sunday, October 10, 2010

The Shadow of Samhain: Reverence for Death in the Old World and Beyond

Death. It is perhaps mankind's greatest source of fear. And it's been linked directly to Halloween since the very beginning. This time in The Shadow of Samhain, I bring you a guest post from the most excellent Christine Hadden of Fascination with Fear... Christine has put together this fascinating and very thought-provoking meditation on the many connections between the Halloween/Samhain season and our eternal obsession with death and the afterlife. I hope you enjoy it as much I did...

Halloween, previous to all the current retail obsession with candy, costumes and horror movies, was long known as Samhain, and still is. The traditions and established practices of modern day pagans and non-pagans alike have been culled from centuries of folklore and beliefs involving what happens to us after we die and how we choose to celebrate and remember those whom we have lost. Old world religions that pre-date Christianity are most certainly the basis for the second most popular holiday of the modern age. Death, in essence remembering those who have died, is the sole reason the holiday was revered so much in the first place. It is believed, even today, that Samhain is the one night in which the veil between the living and dead is the thinnest.

The Festival of the Dead is most widely recognized as a Mexican holiday which begins at midnight on November 1. It is a spiritual holiday which honors the dead with a great day of celebration. On November 2, El Dia de los Muertos begins (quite literally The Day of the Dead). Religious Christians label the day All Souls Day, but it has different meanings all over the world. People across the globe, with their various religions and beliefs, hold these two days sacred as a time to remember those we have lost.

While in Mexico many people believe that the dead truly do walk again come the first day of November, elsewhere others do their best to coax the dead from their silent graves, if only to see them perhaps at least once a year. Candles are placed in the windows to light the way for the dead to return, food and gifts are laid out to welcome them back to the realm of the living, ritual “dumb suppers” are held--meals ate completely in silence to honor the dead and hope that their deceased loved ones return for one night. Usually an extra place setting is laid out, as well as food, for the lost souls of the dead.

Old Gaelic traditions claim that all the souls in Purgatory are released on the evening of All Hallows Eve. They are supposedly free to walk amongst the living for two days but then are sent back to wherever it is they came from. And some traditions hold that if you hear footsteps behind you on Halloween night, you aren’t to turn around lest you will die if you look into their eyes. There is a magnitude of folklore and old tall tales surrounding the mystery of Samhain--enough that entire books have been written. Obviously there is much more curiosity about death and its connection to Halloween than many folks--particularly Christian bible-thumper types--will admit to.

In pagan religions, in particular some Wiccan traditions, it is believed that the Horned God (not Satan, but the male counterpart to Mother Nature, if you will) passes into the Land of the Dead on Samhain night, only to be reborn at Winter Solstice. (Hmm….sounds familiar, no?) Modern witches and pagans have great reverence for the last day of October, it being their most important holiday in the wheel of the year. Death itself is seen as only the beginning--as they believe in reincarnation. The cycle of life continues.

Though it may seem like Americans may balk at these worldwide beliefs and practices, think again. Americans have long had an undying hunger for more knowledge about death and other things we cannot understand. Take Houdini’s widow, for instance. Back in the mid-twenties, after his death, she held a séance every Halloween for ten years, hoping he would contact her from his otherworldly resting place. Alas, he did not. But it didn’t make anyone any less enamored with the belief that at some point, that veil would be thin enough for someone to break through.

Why else would tons of people flock to cemeteries or abandoned houses…just for a possible glimpse into the realm beyond? Our obsession with the after-life certainly hasn’t slowed down any in recent years, and shows no sign of stopping. But a reflection back on the reasons why the holiday of Samhain is so important would be a great way to start a celebration of Halloween.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Celebrate Return of the Living Dead's 25th Anniversary at the Avon Theatre!

As loyal Vault dwellers, you might be aware that one of--if not the film that transformed me into a died-in-the-wool horror fanatic was the late Dan O'Bannon's masterpiece, The Return of the Living Dead. From when I first experienced it at age 12, I was enthralled by it, and the fascination has only increased with time. It's a fantastic horror comedy for so many reasons, but I've been through that many times before. The bottom line is, it's a film that means a whole lot to me (and no, not just because of Linnea Quigley as Trash...)

You may also be somewhat familiar with the vintagely fantastic Avon Theatre of Stamford, Connecticut, which I have occasionally big-upped on this very blog, whether it be to help spread the word about some really cool screenings they were having, or to report on a great time I had at one of those screenings. The Avon has a Cult Classics series, for example, that has long been a source of unmitigated joy in my life. And now, I'm proud to say that I'm going to be a part of the Avon's Cult Classics series, and in particular, they're upcoming showing of ROTLD. In short, it gets no better than this.

Basically, the Avon will be screening ROTLD on Thursday night, October 21, to commemorate the 25th anniversary of the film's release. It will also be showing alongside an unrevealed second feature. Now, I've been sworn to secrecy as to what it is--but rest assured, it will not disappoint. And I'm proud to say that both myself and the lovely Captain Cruella of the Carnivorous Cadavers will be hosting this screening. Now if that won't get you down to the theater, than dammit people, I don't know what will...

I'll have the privilege of introducing both films, and well, the good Captain will be providing zombie ambience as only she can. In fact, I can thank her and her mysterious undead powers for helping to finally get the Avon and the Vault together in the first place. This place is a local treasure, and it is literally a dream come true to be able to join in on the fun.

In addition to introducing one of the films crucial to my development as a horror fan, Cruella and I will also be giving away passes to one hell of a horror film festival on the horizon, the Hudson Horror Show. The festival's organizer, Chris Alo, will even be on hand to promote the event, lighting up Poughkeepsie, New York on November 6 (more on the Hudson Horror Show to come next week here in the Vault...)

So if you're in the area, I urge you to make your way to the Avon Theatre on October 21 for this screening of one of the most beloved horror films of them all. It is sure to be a blast. Not only that, but keep an eye out for future Cult Classics screenings at the Avon, as the theater's director of business development and film programming, Adam Birnbaum, has extended an invitation to yours truly to not only host more of the Avon's horror screenings, but to actually take part in their selection. So fasten your seat belts, Connecticut horror fans--things are about to get interesting...

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Thursday Guilty Pleasure: Week One

Because it simply wasn't argumentative enough, every Tuesday in October, to delve into the films we're too scared to watch twice, Missy Yearian of Chickapin Parish and myself are also joining forces throughout October to bring you Thursday Guilty Pleasures, in which we regale you with the movies that we know we're supposed to hate, but we unabashedly love, nevertheless. So buckle in and prepare to cringe, as we get it all off our chests. Be gentle, please...

Van Helsing (2004)

Wow, you're still reading? Yes, B-Sol of The Vault of Horror enjoyed the hell out of Stephen Sommers' gauche, gaudy Universal mashup starring Hugh Jackman as Gabriel "I'm too cool to be named Abraham" Van Helsing. Am I proud of that fact? No. But I'd be a fool to deny it.

Maybe it's the thrill of unleashing it on my kids, who had already been exposed to all the classic Universal monsters, and so got all the references. Maybe it was just the coolness factor of having all those classic monsters in one movie. But whatever it was, I would be lying if I didn't say that this loud confection of a horror/action flick held my attention, and then some.

I fully understand why people generally hated it--it's approach is in many ways completely anathema to the classic horror cinema it's trying to emulate; the camp factor is totally off the charts; the guy playing Dracula is pretty dreadful. Still, there were just enough old-school Universal references peppered without, and a certain respect for the lore of the classic monsters, that gave my inner horror geek a treat and a half.

I defy you to tell me, also, that this film doesn't feature one of the most faithful representations of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein Monster ever put on the screen. Say what you want about the rest of the painful hamminess going on in this flick, but Shuler Hensley is magnificent in a role which somehow seeks to translate the creature of the novel, while still giving a nod to the 1930s movie series. And I proudly admit to the childish grin that crossed my face when he shouted out "Friend!"

My only regret about seeing it is that Sommers' previous helming of The Mummy remake for Universal prevented everyone's favorite bandaged ancient Egyptian from making an appearance amongst his monstrous brethren. Van Helsing is a deeply flawed movie, and not at all what hardcore fans of classic monster cinema were hoping for, but I can't help but have a whole lot of fun with it.



And now, I yield the floor to Missy, and her first guilty pleasure of the month...

House of Wax (2005)

Look, I don’t have a good excuse for having seen this. I mean, it’s got everything working against it. It’s a remake (ew) and it stars Paris Hilton (double ew). And I really should have had the strength to say NO! But I didn’t. And as such, here we are staring down the barrel of week one, and I am about to admit a few shameful things to you.

Thing the First: I love The Simple Life. I own every season on DVD, and anytime I am feeling a little bit sad, I’ll pop them in (season two is my favorite) and a big ole stupid grin will spread across my face. I mean, really, if you let these entitled jerkwads into your lives, you deserve everything you get, right? Right?

It’s possible you’ve stopped reading now that you know this shameful secret. For those of you who are giving me the benefit of the doubt, let me explain why I tell you this. In watching five seasons of this show, I developed a keen understanding of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. Mostly, I discovered that Nicole is the smart (and devious) one and that Paris has no identity at all. Because of this lack of personality, I thought, “Gee. Maybe she’ll be like Brad Pitt.* And it will be like she’s this blank slate onto which any character can be painted! Maybe she’ll be the greatest actress of all time!” What can I say? I am like a child, and I have great, great optimism. And that’s why I went to see House of Wax.

I was definitely wrong about Paris Hilton.

Thing the Second: I effing loved House of Wax. I loved it way more than it deserves to be loved. I mean, like, if you had kids, and one of them was like The Changeling or something, and the other was House of Wax, you would totally love The Changeling more, right? Yeah, me too. Everyone knows parents don’t really love their kids “the same but in different ways.” House of Wax is totally the DJ Conner of the family. You can’t help but forget he exists when someone as awesome as Darlene is around. (Well, until the later seasons when you have to deal with Becky 2, and then all bets are off. Wait, what was I talking about?)

Thing the Third: That CGI ending with the titular house catching fire and the knife separating the wax babies is totally like the most awesome thing in the history of CGI. And I want to marry it every time I see it, which is a lot because I watch this movie a lot, and I guess that’s Thing the Fourth.

Thing the Fifth: I would probably stalk Elisha Cuthbert, but only after that crazy garage guy chops off the tip of her finger because that’s when you know she’s a badass, and that’s when I realize that House of Wax is actually awesome and totally fun and not something I should be ashamed of at all.

Wait…. What are we doing here?

* Please note that I do not actually like Brad Pitt, but I do believe he has put in some convincing performances, and I believe that is because he is a non-person, and as such, he can become anything.



The Shadow of Samhain: Putting the Christ in... Halloween?

Welcome back, Halloween-heads, to The Shadow of Samhain series here in The Vault of Horror. This time, I bring you the first of a series of special guest posts. Joining us for the initial one is one of the most fascinating and well-rounded horror bloggers you're likely to ever encounter, John W. Morehead of Theofantastique.

John is an avid student of both speculative fiction, as well as religion in popular culture, and always manages to combine the two areas in a most captivating fashion. This piece is no exception either, as Mr. Morehead dives headlong into the love-hate relationship between Christianity and Halloween, and how it dates back to the conversion of what was, for centuries, a pagan holiday...


The month of October has finally arrived and soon it will conclude with Halloween. For those of us who are huge fans of the holiday it couldn’t have come sooner. In fact, I’ve been hitting various store locations looking for decorations and memorabilia since late August. It may come as a surprise to many, but Halloween is very popular in my Utah cultural context, and it is not uncommon to find a few Halloween items shortly after the Fourth of July in select stores.

But this time of the year also provides an opportunity to probe this fascinating holiday in a little more depth. It is the second largest retail sales holiday in the country, second only to Christmas, and it is usually either loved or demonized depending upon the understanding of its background, history, and symbolism. With this post I will bring some historical and cultural considerations to bear on the evolution and development of this mutating festival as it has worked its way through various cultures. One of the areas that I am interested in is how the holiday has been influenced by Christianity. It is not uncommon to find many Christians opposed to Halloween due to concerns over its pagan origins, and during this time of year the rhetoric against the holiday ratchets up, particularly among Protestant evangelicals and fundamentalists. But as I will touch on below, this has not always been the case as Christianity has embraced and influenced various elements that make up the history of Halloween in its diverse manifestations.

Halloween as we celebrate it in the modern period in the West is a popular derivative of All Hallow Even or the eve of All Saints’ Day celebrated on November 1 on the Christian calendar. It is celebrated together with All Souls’ Day on November 2. Its earliest origins, and those usually cited by Protestants, are found in the Celtic festival from Ireland of Samhain, pronounced “sow-in” and meaning “summer’s end.” It was a seasonal and agricultural festival associated with the transition from summer to fall. Concerned Protestants often claim that the Celtic festival was associated with animal or human sacrifice. Although this cannot be completely discounted since it appears that elements of this were featured in the festival as the Druids practiced it, the festival largely served as a festival of the dead (although not specifically), and as a time of supernatural intensity heralding the onset of winter. It was also a borderline festival that took place between the autumn equinox and the winter solstice. Celtic lore discusses it as a boundary between summer and winter, light and darkness. Understood in this way it functioned as a “liminal” festival, a moment of ritual transition.

As significant as the pagan origins are to what we celebrate as Halloween, there are also Christian elements that have played a part. These come initially from Catholicism in the British Isles and elsewhere through its festive rites. This included ritual practices that were developed with the medieval holy days of All Souls’ and All Saints’ Day. It was an important part of Christian year, marked by high masses and prayers. These activities honored the saints and martyrs of the church, and affirmed the collective claims that the dead had on the living. Various church rituals included the ringing of bells, using flowers to decorate the houses of the dead, visits by family and friends to the dead, clergy processions to graveyards, and devotional offerings of holy water, milk or food at gravesides. Other developments during this period were also important in contributing to our contemporary Halloween, including the significance of All Saints’ and All Soul’s Day to children and young adults, and that it served as the season of masking and impersonation. Of course, these practices are reflected in Halloween as a time of costuming by children in our time.

As the festival continued its journey through cultures in history it arrived in England and it became connected to the time of Hallowtide. Hallowtide involved various fire rituals, including torchlight ceremonies to honor the dead. In addition to fire rituals, “souling” was an important practice. This involved taking bread or soul cakes that were distributed to relatives and poor neighbors who offered to pray for souls in purgatory.

Souling is important in understanding Halloween in that it involved individuals moving door to door asking for food in return for prayers for the dead (they used hollowed-out turnip lanterns with a candle for light), and it is the practice of souling that enabled this English Hallowmass practice to survive the effects of the Protestant Reformation.

It is at this juncture that Protestants would do well to engage in some self-reflection at this time of year. Although Hallowtide was practiced by the Roman Catholic Church, it came under attack in England with the Protestant Reformation. Protestants had concerns about the inclusion of purgatory in their celebration of dead saints, and they took exception to its ritualism. After the Reformation there was no common set of ritual practices that marked this seasonal event.

But given this slice of history, and the influence and participation of certain branches of Christendom in the development of what we know today as Halloween, it is curious that many Protestant evangelicals and fundamentalists find the holiday so objectionable. Here a little historical amnesia seems to be operative. As the historian Ronald Hutton has stated, for Protestants one of the arguments against Halloweeen is
"that it is essentially unchristian ... a Christian feast of the dead is thoroughly embedded in the history of Hallowe'en and that its legacy is usually impossible to distnguish from that of paganism in the practices and associations of the night. It is of course maintained by what is still by far the largest of the world's churches, the Roman Catholic. To describe the feast as fundamentally unchristian is therefore either ill-informed or disingenuous."
I keep hoping that one year Protestants might dig a little deeper on the history of this holiday, and that they might recognize the influence of their own religious tradition in its development. It would also be nice to see an embrace of a feast of the dead within Protestantism, but that might be asking too much. But that won’t stop some of us from enjoying this rich holiday whatever its origins and influences.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...