A Quarter Century of Krueger: The Kills

As fans of slasher flicks, let's admit it: A big part of the appeal is watching people get killed. We can deny it/rationalize it all we want, but we all know slasher fans get a kick out of seeing what kinds of ways hapless teens are going to get bumped off by whatever maniac happens to be doing the bumping. And though the Nightmare on Elm Street movies are quite unique in the annals of the slasher subgenre (some would argue transcending it entirely), we're still fascinated with the kills. Especially since given Freddy's supernatural abilities, they're bound to be more interesting than in most other slasher films.

So let's break down Mr. Krueger's cinematic rapsheet once and for all, shall we? And do take note of the how the kills get more and more outlandish/ridiculous as the series itself takes a similar turn...

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
Body count: 4

• Tina Gray - Dragged up the wall and ceiling of her bedroom while being sliced open
• Rod Lane - Strangled in his prison cell by his own bedsheets
• Glen Lantz - Swallowed up and regurgitated by his bed
• Marge Thompson - Burned alive by Freddy's flaming body

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)
Body count: 5

• Coach - Tied up and clawed in the gym shower
• Grady - Impaled on the bedroom door by Freddy's glove
• Random partygoers #1, 2 and 3: Skewered by Freddy at Lisa's pool party. These three are confirmed on screen, but there are possibly more...

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987) Body count: 6

• Philip - Strung up by his tendons, and dropped from the top of the psychiatric hospital
• Jennifer - Television sprouts Freddy head and arms... Freddy smashes her head into the screen ("Welcome to prime time, bitch!")
• Taryn - Injected with a heroin overdose from Freddy's clawed hands ("What a rush!")
• Will - Attacked by own wheelchair, then stabbed by Freddy
• Lt. Thompson - Impaled on the tail fin of an old car by Skeleton Freddy
• Nancy Thompson - Gored with glove by Freddy, whom she believes is the ghost of her dad

A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988) Body count: 6

• Kincaid - Slaughtered in the abandoned car lot where Freddy is resurrected
• Joey - Trapped inside his water bed
• Kristen - Burned alive
• Sheila - Death by asthmatic asphyxiation
• Rick - Accidentally pulled into a dream by Alice and killed
• Debbie - Transformed into a giant cockroach and squashed in a Roach Motel ("You can check in, but you can't check out!")

A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989) Body count: 3

• Dan - Attached to his motorcycle and made to smash into another vehicle
• Greta - Gutted and forced to eat her own insides
• Mark - Sucked into a comic-book world, where he is cut up like a paper doll
  

Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991) Body count: 3

• Carlos - Brains melted when Freddy turns his hearing aid into a mega sound amplifier and tortures him with loud noises. What a bastard.
• Spencer - Turned into a living video game character by Freddy, who kills him with Nintendo power glove ("Now I'm playing with power!")
• John Doe - Impaled on a bed of spikes

Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994) Body count: 1

• Chase Porter - Falls asleep at the wheel and dies in car crash. Also, clawed be Freddy for good measure.

Freddy vs. Jason (2002) Bodu count: 1 (Jason hogs all the kills in this one...)

• Mark - Face slashed and back burned

GRAND TOTAL: 29

Freddy cartoon by Montygog.

* * * * * * * * * *

For more NOES coverage, proceed to directly to Day of the Woman, where Vault associate/birthday girl BJ-C has named Heather "Nancy Thompson" Langenkamp as her Woman of the Week...

Tweet

Will Spider-Man Be Doing Battle with a Vampire?

If you're a comic book geek like myself, then it's more than likely that Spider-Man 3 left all kinds of bad taste in your mouth. Chances are you're hoping for something to turn the franchise around in the inevitable fourth flick, and break the dreaded "three-movie curse" that seems to dog superhero series. In that case, an interview posted today on CHUD, courtesy of FearNET, might be just what the mortician ordered.

We all know that Sam Raimi is an old-school (read: pre-Venom) Spidey fan, and has a particular affinity for the villains of the '60s and '70s. Well, earlier this year he sparked some interest by declaring his love of the classic '70s baddie known as Morbius, the Living Vampire. Since then, there has been much speculation that Marvel's own undead heavy would be showing up in the next movie.

Doing press for Drag Me to Hell, Raimi was questioned on the topic by FearNET, and the response is interesting, if not particularly enlightening. The Evil Dead director sarcastically feigns ignorance of the rumors, then goes on to kind of sidestep the question and launch into a whole diatribe on why he loves vampires so much. That, plus his whole "deer in the headlights" look indicates to me that there might be a solid chance we'll see Spidey tangling with a nosferatu come 2011. I mean, why would Raimi go on and on about the appeal of vampires, anyway? If that's not a good sign, I don't know what is.

To check out video of the interview, and the awkward response, head over to CHUD. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that Sony can right the course of the once-mighty Webhead franchise. Morbius would be quite sweet, indeed. But to tell you the truth, anything would be better than watching Topher Grace defile the reputation of the greatest comic book villain of the past 25 years...

* * * * * * * * * *

On a completely unrelated note, I'd just like to point out for all you classic horror fans out there that Hank Azaria does an awe-inspiring imitation of Boris Karloff in the new Night at the Museum sequel. He plays an ancient Egyptian villain in the vein of Imhotep, and the homage was enough to turn my frown upside-down after being coerced into going to see the family flick in the first place.

Tweet

VAULT VLOG: The Boys in Gray Are Back!

Tweet

Female Ghostbusters in the New Sequel?

Dan Akroyd set fanboys' hearts aflutter earlier this week when he confirmed that a third Ghostbusters movie is, indeed, in the works, with a possible winter starting date for filming.

All the original cast members are set to return, but the story will apparently center on a "passing-of-the-torch" scenario, in which himself, Bill Murray, Harold Ramis and Ernie Hudson hand over the proton packs to a younger generation of paranormal investigators.

Akroyd discussed wanting to assemble a new five-person Ghostbusters team, with two members being women. Specifically, he mentioned Eliza Dushku and Alyssa Milano as being two actresses he is particularly interested in getting to play parts.

No stranger to genre entertainment, Dushku (pictured here--thanks, BJ-C) is of course a Buffy alum who is currently on the new Joss Whedon series Dollhouse. Milano was a regular cast member of Charmed, and even lent her voice to the new Ghostbusters video game. With any luck, these two lovely ladies might be crossing the streams very, very soon.

Tweet

Retro Review: Freaks

"WEEBLE-WOBBLE, WEEBLE-WOBBLE, WE ACCEPT YOU, ONE OF US!"

These words will never fail to bring a chill to the spine of any fan of classic horror, and with good reason. For most of us, when we think Tod Browning, we think the 1931 Dracula. And rightfully so, the movie is a masterpiece. But nearly as much a masterpiece was the unfairly maligned Freaks, which came out the following year to critical outrage and ridicule, and box office apathy that was the result of a crippled distribution deal thanks to the "objectionable" subject matter.

This week, let's take an unflinching look at one of horror's true underrated pleasures, a film that was by far the most controversial of its era, and never quite got the respect or attention it deserved.

Right off the bat, the single most striking thing about the picture is its use of actual sideshow freaks as the carnival's unforgettable cast of characters. We have many of the most famous "celebrity freaks" of the day on hand, including little Harry & Daisy Earles, the infamous Hilton sisters, Johnny Eck, and the endearing "pinhead" known as Schlitze. This was a conscious decision on Browning's part, not to use actors--and it upset quite a lot of people. It was a time of more fragile sensibilities, for better or worse, and in the case of Browning's excellent film, worse was definitely the case.

Many were disgusted at what they perceived as exploitation, yet a closer look at the film demonstrates that Browning and screenwriter Clarence Aaron Robbins's goal is to demonstrate how the supposedly "normal" people can be much more monstrous and evil under the right circumstances than anyone who simply happens to look monstrous on the surface. Alas, much of that subtlety was lost on the censors.

Freaks gives us a unique and rare glimpse into a world shrouded in mystery, showing us a more-or-less accurate portrayal of life on the road for this collection of human oddities. Many of the performances are quite striking for folks who have never been called upon to pull off high drama before, especially from the poignant Earles, dwarf siblings playing husband and wife. And there is also a bona fide actor or two thrown into the mix as well, including in the role of Phroso the clown, Wallace Ford--who Universal lovers will recall from his comic relief part in The Mummy's Hand.

The movie is filled with unforgettable and often voyeuristic imagery, including armless Frances O'Connor eating dinner with her feet, the childbirth of the bearded lady, Koo-Koo the Bird Girl's bizarre dance, and of course "Living Torso" Prince Randian lighting a cigarette despite having no arms or legs.

Tod Browning was often accused of being trapped in the mindset of a silent film director, never being able to fully embrace the changes inherent in making talkies. To a certain extent this is true, as his stagey setups and often overly deliberate technique make evident. And yet, in Freaks, there are amazing moments where Browning's silent expertise comes into play as a positive--most notably the unforgettable wedding scene that is the centerpiece of the film, and plays out in such a way that we completely understand what is happening on a visual basis alone.

Yet the film was a public relations disaster for MGM, effective scaring the studio away from horror projects. Browning's career also never quite recovered from the stigma. In fact, it wasn't until the movie was rediscovered during the late-night drive-in craze of the 1950s and '60s that it began to be appreciated as the classic it is.

Freaks is highly recommended for any casual fan of early horror who has until now confined themselves to the Frankensteins and Draculas of the world. Here is a film ahead of its time, presenting horror not in the form of supernatural monsters, but lurking in the hearts of regular human beings. And the last scene is one of the all-time WTF moments in the history of the genre, so consider yourself warned!

Tweet

IFC Picks Up Distribution Rights to Year's Most Controversial Flick

The net has been awash with buzz regarding the Lars Von Trier shocker Antichrist ever since it resulted in a major blowup on Monday at the Cannes Film Festival. But now, it looks like all that controversy did was land the movie a distribution deal. Which anyone with any media savvy could've predicted anyway.

The blowup revolved around what has been described as "explicit sexual gore" in the picture, referring presumably to scenes depicting such things as bloody masturbation (that should rack me up some Google search hits...) Apparently, some members of the press took serious offense, and a shouting match actually ensued between journalists and the rather eccentric Von Trier, who laughed off their outrage dismissively.

"Since it premiered at Cannes on Monday, we haven't been able to stop 
talking or thinking about Antichrist," IFC Entertainment president Jonathan Sehring said in a story reported today on Horror-Movies.ca.

The film stars Willem Defoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg, who play a couple recovering from the death of their child who retreat to a lonely cabin in the woods (and if horror movies have taught us anything, it's that nothing good could ever happen in such a place). The movie apparently also hinges on the conceit that the world was in fact created not by God, but by Satan.

IFC will be handling the American release of the film, although it is not yet announced whether that will be theatrical or direct-to-DVD. The German production will be making the rounds in theaters across Europe throughout the summer and fall.



P.S. If you've read and watched all this and don't immediately want to board a plane to Europe to see this thing, then you're reading the wrong blog.

Tweet

A First Look at ABC's Remake of V !!!

Although she's no Jane Badler (yes, I'm a fan of '80s hotness), Morena Baccarin could invade my planet any day of the week, and twice on Sunday. ABC.com is showing off a couple of impressive clips of its upcoming remake of the classic '80s horror/sci-fi miniseries V, featuring the former Firefly star as Diana, evil leader of the Nazi-lizard invasion force. You can officially color me pumped for this:

Tweet

More True Blood Season 2 Propoganda! Huzzah!

Yeah, in case you haven't noticed as of late, I'm mildly excited about the imminent return of True Blood on HBO in just 26 days. A massive buttload of new promo posters just hit the web earlier today on AccessHollywood.com, and I'm all over it. Above is the main one, but if you proceed to the link below you can see all the delicious other posters, each one centered on a specific character from the show.

If you haven't checked out True Blood, you might just have enough time to Netflix season 1 before June 14, so get to work! For anyone who had their psyches scarred by Twilight, True Blood is just what the doctor ordered...

First Look: ‘True Blood’ Season 2 | Access Hollywood - Celebrity News, Photos & Videos

Tweet

The Tuesday Top 10: Most Horrifying Cartoon Characters

One of the things that appeals to me about doing a weekly Top 10 is the ability to think outside the box and go for topics that might not be strictly tied to horror movies, but more to horror in general. Case in point: this week's Tuesday Top 10, in which I am taking a look at the most frightening animated characters it's ever been my perverse pleasure to witness.

When considering candidates, I ruled out movies/shows intended only for grown-ups; it would've been too easy to collect a bunch of baddies from Heavy Metal, The Maxx, Wizards, etc. No, I thought it would be much more of a challenge to focus on characters that have actually scared the bejeezus out of little kids--in some cases, little B-Sol himself. Oh, the benefits of a horror-drenched childhood!

10. Cruella De Vil
101 Dalmations (1961)
She resembles a harpy, has vicious streaks of white through her hair, and her all-consuming goal in life is to slaughter a gigantic litter of puppies and use their skin to make a coat for herself. If that isn't the stuff of nightmares, then I don't know what is.

9. Gollum
The Hobbit (1977)
My fifth grade teacher thought it would be cool to show us this Rankin-Bass TV chestnut in class. Imagine my ten-year-old mind reeling at the sight of this bizarre, freakish thing. Still, this movie did kick off a lifelong Tolkien obsession. "Where there's a whip...there's a way!"

8. Maleficent
Sleeping Beauty (1959)
One of Disney's more underrated evil queens, I first came across her Satanic majesty at a double-feature of Sleeping Beauty and The Black Hole way back in Nineteen-Hundred and Eighty. I maintain this is one of the Mouse House's most boy-friendly features, and this shape-shifting bitch is one of the main reasons why.

7. Skeletor
He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (1983-85)
Kind of a no-brainer. He's a roided-out blue dude with a skull for a head. Even though he's voiced by the same guy who did the voice of that lovable Falcor in The Neverending Story, he still freaked the snot out of me every weekday afternoon after school...

6. The Apple Bonkers
Yellow Submarine (1968)
OK, I chalk this up mainly to being a really little kid, but good lord did these guys creep me the eff out. Towering, mindless drones dropping giant apples on people's heads and turning them to stone. "Smash them! Crash them! O-BLUE-TIRATE THEM!!" Shivers...

5. The Witch
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)
She was pretty hot in a secret-BDSM-fantasy kinda way in her evil queen form, but once she transforms herself into that gnarled-up, bug-eyed old crone... permanent childhood trauma. Never realized how many nightmarish villains Disney cooked up...

4. Mumm-Ra
Thundercats (1985-87)
I know, I spent way too much time on weekday afternoons watching action cartoons instead of doing my homework. But how could I pass up a show in which the main villain was a jacked-up, maniacal mummy? Although I never remember hearing him say this. Would've ruled, though.

3. Gen. Woundwort
Watership Down (1978)
OK, do you see that picture over there? Do I need to say anything else? This flick was on constant rotation on HBO when my fam first got it in the early '80s, and this grizzled hideous old rabbit, kept me glued to the couch in terror. Or maybe that was just my mom's plastic couch coverings...?

2. Gargamel
Smurfs (1981-90)
A hideous wizard who tried relentlessly to track down a cute village of friendly, fun-loving little blue fairies. So he could cook and eat them. Maybe not as many kids deconstructed their cartoons as much as I did...

1. Other Mother
Coraline (2009)
My big regret is that I'll never know what it's like to experience the sublimely frightening Coraline as a child. But at least I got to vicariously experience it through my own progeny. And for my money, there has never been a more thoroughly soul-chilling creation to ever appear in an animated film than this grasping, malevolent, twisted perversion of motherhood. It just taps into the psyche on so many levels. Or at least my psyche. Paging Dr. Freud...

Tweet

More VHS Box Cover Madness!!

For this, the momentous 500th POST for The Vault of Horror, I'm granting loyal Vault Dweller and fellow former WWE employee/commiserater Jonathan, a.k.a. "J-Rock", the spotlight. You see, inspired by last week's top 10 list of the most memorable old school VHS box covers, J-Rock dug into his own collection and procured a bunch of movies on tape that he had bought some years ago on the cheap when his local mom-and-pop video store went out of business.

And here today, I present to you the painstakingly scanned cover images that greeted me this morning in my inbox, courtesy of my good friend in horror...


God, I used to love covers like this. "Banned in 31 Countries". And dig that extended warning message on the bottom. How could you pass this one up?


And of course, the back cover--with an even better look at that priceless "warning". Twenty-four scenes of barbaric torture and sadistic cruelty. Count me in! Honey, heat up the popcorn!


Here's one I remember very well, with artwork that was an obvious knockoff of Fulci's Gates of Hell cover (or was it the other way around?) Serious flashback--thanks, John!


First runner-up for "Coolest Tagline for a Zombie Movie, Ever." Right behind, "We are going to eat you!"


A putrid gem of the much maligned yet oh-so-glorious Nazi zombie subgenre, soon to be revived thanks to Dead Snow. Kudos to you, Wizard Video, for your lack of distribution scruples. And John--$5.25, not a bad deal, my man.


If we are to believe the hype, then this could very well be the first direct-to-video horror movie. Don't know if these folks deserve to be commended, or euthanized.


Wow. That is one sweet cover, can't deny that. Who says horror is misogynistic??

Once again, thanks to J-Rock for this delicious cache of '80s VHS goodness. What better subject matter for my 500th post? I really can't even believe I've managed to write this much crap about horror movies in the past 19 months! Thanks goes out to all my loyal supporters who have helped make the VoH one of the cornerstones of the horror blogosphere--and here's to the next 500.

Tweet