Are you sure you want to know? The Den of Geek has culled a list of all the remakes that are officially greenlit at the moment, totaling a mind-numbing 55 in all. And of those 55, here are the 13 horror remakes we can all so joyfully look forward to in the next couple years...
They Live In the very early stages, from the people who brought you the admittedly terrific Dawn of the Dead redo.
The Crazies Thankfully, Uncle George has at least been invited to the dance as an executive producer. Timothy Olyphaunt of Deadwood fame will star.
The Incredible Shrinking Man Richard Matheson's intense sci-fi thriller, previously adapted in the 1950s, will be turned into a comedy vehicle for Eddie Murphy. You know, 'cause those are doing so well lately.
The Last House on the Left This one (pictured) has just finished filming, and will hit next year.
The Thing Wrap your head around this one: A remake of a remake. Based on a short story. Yowza...
The Birds Expect it in 2011, with George Clooney and Naomi Watts filling in for Rod Taylor and Tippi Hedren.
Hellraiser This one is now in the directorial hands of Pascal Laugier, after fellow Frenchmen Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury of Inside infamy got the axe.
Poltergeist Will most likely reach the public next year, despite a resounding, collective "Why?" from fans everywhere.
Child's Play Brad Dourif will return as the voice of Chucky, and original writer Don Mancini will script.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show Hey kids! It's a gelded MTV re-imagining of the most popular midnight cult classic of all time!
Rosemary's Baby Michael Bay is behind this sacrilege, set for 2010.
Near Dark Speaking of Michael Bay, he'll also be spewing forth this one, from music video director Samuel Bayer. Luckily, it seems to be in development hell.
Angel Heart Not quite a remake of the Robert DeNiro/Mickey Rourke '80s classic, this one will instead re-adapt the source novel, Fallen Angel.
The Host Just when you thought the Asian remake craze was over...
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I bring you an amusing VoH anecdote today. My sister, a raging, long-time fan of The Howard Stern Show, took it upon herself to send an email to Stern Show prankster Richard Christy--a well-known horror junkie--informing him of my blog. Turns out Mr. Christy was already in the loop. His response: "That's so cool that is your brother's blog! I'm very aware of it and I read it all the time! Tell, him I'm a big fan!"
There you have it, folks. Some rare confirmation for my delusions of grandeur. Thanks for the kind words and support, Richard. You're welcome in the Vault anytime! And thanks for the guerilla marketing, sis!