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Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Tuesday Top 10: Horror's Hottest Couples

This week's top 10 is pretty appropriate, considering that right now where I'm at, it's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut (thank you, Good Morning Vietnam). Love and romance may not be the first things that come to mind when one thinks of horror, but the fact remains that the genre has given us some of the most unforgettable pairings in screen history. So join me, won't you, as I take a look at some of horror's most memorable lovers...

10. When a Wolf Loves a Woman...
An American Werewolf in London (1981)

Yes, he's an American stuck in a foreign land. Yes, he's recently been turned into a vicious lycanthrope. Yes, he's being visited by the mutilated corpse of his best friend. But David Kessler is also shacked up with super-hot nurse Alex Price and getting a steady diet of limey lovin'. Maybe it doesn't totally balance things out, but hey, you can't have everything.

9. My Demon Lover...
Hellraiser (1987)

What would a Clive Barker story be with no sex? And in Barker's directorial debut, it's Frank and his sister-in-law Julia that provide all the illicit goings-on. Folks, this is lust that lasts beyond the grave, as is shown when Julia is willing to murder poor sap after poor sap, simply for a chance at one more romp. We look at Frank and see a walking rump roast with eyes; she sees desire personified. Love truly is blind!

8. The Love That Dares not Speak Its Name
The Hunger (1983)

So taken by Dr. Sarah Roberts is the ancient vampire Miriam, that instead of using her help to reverse the aging process of her vampire lover John, she decides to replace him with her. And it's a beautiful coupling--until, of course, Sarah discovers what she's become, and is compelled by extreme hunger to kill her own boyfriend. Those types of things typically put strain on any relationship, undead or otherwise.

7. They Wanna Do Bad Things...
True Blood (2007-present)

If you're looking for that other vampire couple on here, you're on the wrong blog. Today's coolest canoodling nosferatu is Bill Compton, who alongside his mortal beloved Sookie Stackhouse charts a treacherous course through the sex-drenched wilderness that is Bon-Temps, Louisiana. Will Bill eventually turn Sookie into one of his own kind? Or will she will be swayed to join Team Eric? Stay tuned to everyone's favorite horror soap to find out...

6. This Ain't No Chick Flick
Cemetery Man (1994)
Before he became a go-to romantic comedy leading man for the remainder of the 1990s, Rupert Everett, as Francesco Dellamorte, got his groove on with the amazing Anna Falchi, known here only as She. Yes, knowing all we now know about Mr. Everett might make this love affair a bit unconvincing, but the smoldering scenes between these two go a long way toward the suspension of disbelief.

5. He Would Do Anything for Love
The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971)
Believed dead, the mute Dr. Anton Phibes exacts a methodical, bloody vengeance against the team of surgeons who failed to save the life of his beloved wife Victoria. Even the allure of his quite fetching assistant Vulnavia is not enough to sway the unflappable Phibes from his string of elaborate, musically themed homicides. Now that's dedication. Screw "Till death do us part"--for Phibes, that was just the beginning.

4. They're Altogether Ooky
The Addams Family (1964-66)
It was a tough call between them and Herman & Lily, but in the end, the unbridled lust of the Addamses won out over the Munsters' more bourgeois, domestic setup. At the center of the world's creepiest family, Gomez and Morticia actually have a healthier relationship than any of the supposedly "normal" couples they come into contact with. I guess that was the whole point, wasn't it? Gosh, I'm thick...

3. Beauty and the Beast
King Kong (1933)

Sure, one of them was a completely unwilling participant. And yes, they were completely physically incompatible. But hell, couldn't most of us say at least one of those things about our own parents? Kong and Fay Wray is one of cinema's most famous romantic entanglements--even if it did lead to the poor lovestruck lug's total downfall in the end. Welcome to the club, big guy.

2. Love Never Dies
Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)

For all it's flaws, Francis Ford Coppola's take on the Bram Stoker classic gave us what may be the most powerful love affair ever seen in a horror film. Yes, it's a completely apocryphal addition to what was supposed to be a "completely faithful" adaptation of Stoker's novel, but nevertheless, Gary Oldman's Dracula and Winona Ryder's Mina Harker have a strong onscreen chemistry that justifies itself.

1. The Monster Demands a Mate!
Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

They're only on screen together for a matter of minutes, and she's completely revolted by the big guy, but none of that matters. Boris Karloff's Creature and Elsa Lanchester's Bride will always be horror filmdom's most memorable, iconic and indelible couple. It's a pairing that has fascinated all of us for generations, burned into our minds like some kind of Jungian archetype. Maybe it strikes a chord within us on some basic level, the need to be loved, and the pain of rejection.

13 comments:

Pax Romano said...

All great picks, but as much as Gomez and Morticia obviously had the hots for each other, I have always had a soft spot for Herman and Lily.

Seth Canes said...

No Eli and Oskar?

MonsterScholar said...

So glad to see Sookie and Bill up here. I think you definitely hit the nail on the head with number one and Dr. Phibes will do anything for love...but he won't do that...on second thought, yeah he would.

B-Sol said...

Pax, I get where you're coming from on that. Herman and Lily did seem to have the more stable marriage- I could so see Gomez and Morticia ending in a nasty divorce.
Seth, I felt really weird putting a couple of kids on a list of hottest couples. And the fact that Eli isn't actually a kid probably makes it even weirder...

RayRay said...

Nice list. I like that you put Morticia and Gomez up there. Charles Addams' creations get too little press in these digital days. I had a great little paperback once, long ago, that had many of his cartoons from The New Yorker. Great stuff.

I would, however, say that one honorable mention might be Harry Angel and Epiphany Proudfoot from Angel Heart. Talking about steamy. They were cut the head off a chicken hot.

the jaded viewer said...

I Love that Cemetary Man is on the list! I Love Anna Falchi!

Planet of Terror said...

For most fucked up couple, I'd put the two in Audition right along with those wacky kids in Nekromantick. As always, great list.

B-Sol said...

Thanks fellas. And who doesn't love Anna Falchi!

Pierre Fournier said...

A great list! Mine would have Jean Marais and Josette Day from Jean Cocteau's LA BELLE ET LA BETE (1946).

Matt-suzaka said...

Anna Falchi. Swoon.

Anonymous said...

Great List I would have to put Herman and Lily on the list Because of Lily,s Hottness

Jake said...

Despite the fact that it's not that good, Bram Stoker's Dracula is a favorite. Winnona should've hosed him down with holy water if I he got too hot (2nd Meat Loaf reference).

I would add Geena Davis and Brundlefly.

cinderelly said...

how about frank langella's dracula and and kate nelligan...that was pretty steamy! i LOVE frank langella! gomez and morticia were terrific, even though i do love hermie baby, and of course i ADORE lily!

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