Dear Rob Zombie, you made a couple of good songs back in the day, and a couple of good horror flicks, too. So why must you be the source of so much agita for me, two days in a row? Fresh off my rant on the many sins of Halloween II, I've now caught my breath sufficiently to tackle the latest news rocking the horror interwebs--that Mr. Zombie's next project is going to be a remake of The Blob.
What gets under my skin the most, as I think it did with others, is Rob's assertion that he wants to stay away from a giant red blobby thing in his version of the movie. How that may have scared 1950s audiences, but today's audiences would laugh at it.
Let's get a few things straight here. Firstly, the original 1958 Blob is by no means a classic horror film. It is no more than a fun, popcorn drive-in flick. I also have news for Zombie: It was never meant to be taken completely seriously as a horror film. Not even in 1958. Anyone who's ever seen the goofy opening title sequence, complete with cornball Burt Bacharach tune, can attest to that. It was always a camp film.
Secondly, the whole gimmick of trying to actually make the blob itself scary and not just a giant red jello mold has been done as well. Familiar with the 1988 remake, Mr. Zombie? You know, the one that is actually way better than the original? The one that your version won't be as good as? Yeah, that one.
OK, so what we're dealing with here is a remake of a film that's already been remade. At the moment, I can't even think of any other time that's happened, except for Invasion of the Body Snatchers (and look how that turned out). I mean, how derivative can you get??
All we're going to get with Zombie's version is the blob invading a town populated by sleazy white trash, as the grizzly director attempts oh-so-ironically to comment on the squeaky-clean '50s teens of the original. We get it, Rob. We get it.
Of course, this new version will have some great creature effects and some very creative and entertaining kills... But a remake of a remake? Do I even need to say any more?
Believe it or not, I do think that Rob Zombie is a talented director. I'm one of those who loved both House of 1,000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects. That's why I think the guy needs to lay off these retreads and focus on original material again. Rob Zombie once notoriously said in an interview that remakes were the worst things any director could do. If only he had heeded his own advice...
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