The Many Faces of Michael Myers

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The Horrors of the Holidays: Halloween Knock-Offs

First and foremost, let it be known that Captain Cruella and myself had a righteous blast this past Thursday night at 92YTribeca and another glorious edition of Kevin Geeks Out! Silly me for thinking that this ingenious pop culture series from the mind of Kevin Maher was really dead. I mean, he said he was retiring it, but in the grand pro wrestling tradition, retired is never really retired. And thank goodness! Because KGO is truly one of my life's great joys.

Where else can I find myself amongst my fellow geeks, wallowing in the shamelessly masturbatory enjoyment of genre treasures? The theme of the night was rip-offs--and this time out, the comedy variety show featured the likes of Daily Show writer Elliott Kalan picking apart the abysmal German E.T. knock-off Nukie; the sardonically brilliant M. Sweeney Lawless condensing British Kong rip-off Konga down to its bare essentials; pop culture savant Prof. Geoff Klock analyzing Quentin Tarantino's brilliant rip-off techniques as utilized in Kill Bill; comic book blogger Nick Nadel presenting a montage of painful superhero rip-offs; filmmaker Matt Glasson rehashing his favorite Jaws copycat; and the witty artist-baker Sara Reiss regaling us with her own home-made breakfast cereal knock-offs?

And oh yeah...this time, for the first time ever, I got to join in the fun. That's right, it gave me great pleasure to take part in a show I've been enjoying for so long. As part of the night's festivities, I presented a tongue-in-cheek look at the unusual subgenre of calendar-inspired horror films that followed in the wake of John Carpenter's Halloween. I'm so proud of the finished product, in fact, that I've embedded it right here for your viewing pleasure...

I ran into some technical difficulties getting the bookend video clips to work, and so I'm simply including them here both before and after the PowerPoint itself. You can choose to watch them, or just jump right into the presentation, which is the second embedded video...

Halloween-Voiceover

More PowerPoint presentations from Brian Solomon

Thanks again to Kevin for inviting me to be a part of KGO. It was also a thrill to have a fan of the blog step out of the audience to shake my hand and offer sincere praise. It's always humbling to be reminded that people out there are actually reading this dreck. Those people are the reasons I keep writing. It may have gotten a bit slow around here as of late, but that's about to change.

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Kevin Geeks Out About... Rip-off Cinema! - 92YTribeca - New York, NY

Kevin Geeks Out About... Rip-off Cinema! - 92YTribeca - New York, NY

Click on the above link to learn all about the upcoming Kevin Geeks Out event on Thursday, September 15--in which I'll be one of the presenters. This is very exciting for me, as I've been a big fan of Kevin Maher for quite a while now, and followed his KGO series at 92YTribeca for some time. To have the opportunity to take part will definitely be one of the highlights of this little blogging adventure I kicked off nearly four years ago (can't believe it!).

The event is built around the concept of movies that ripped off previous hit films in a blatant attempt to cash in on their success. For those curious--and too lazy to click the link--I'll be presenting a little retrospective on the multitude of Halloween knock-offs that followed in the wake of John Carpenter's slasher classic. For those who remember, there was a time in the horror genre, after the booming success of Halloween, when everyone was scrambling for a special holiday/ritual event around which to theme a horror film--most memorably Friday the 13th, but there were so many others. Well, I'll be looking back at the best and worst of them in just a little over two weeks, so be there, or be square, Vault dwellers!

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"See Anything You Like?": P.J Soles as Slasher Victim Prototype

If Halloween is the prototypical slasher film (which it is), then P.J. Soles, in her portrayal of the ill-fated Lynda van der Klok, is the prototypical victim. I will admit that I was not terribly impressed with her acting the first time I saw the film. In general, as important a horror film as it may be, I found that with the exception of Jamie Lee Curtis and of course, Donald Pleasance, the acting was about at the level of a movie made around the same time--Debbie Does Dallas (or so I hear).

Nevertheless, in repeated viewings of the film, I've come to appreciate what P.J. Soles did with her role, and specifically, what screenwriters John Carpenter and Debra Hill gave her to do. The ground she broke in that movie opened the way for countless slasher films that followed, and countless doomed damsels who met their end at the hands of deranged knife-wielding maniacs. Over the past 30+ years, we've come to expect certain things from this type of horror movie. There are formulas to be observed, after all.

Well, they weren't always formulas. They had to start somewhere. And most of them come from the original Halloween. That includes what types of characters will become slasher fodder, and the reasons behind their demise. To put it bluntly, the slasher subgenre gave us the phenomenon of horror film characters that we actually want to die. In other words, they make us root for the monster. This phenomenon in large part has its origin in Halloween, and in the van der Klock character in particular.

Lynda van der Klock is an extremely irritating individual. This is not meant as a knock against Soles; rather, I'm sure she would take it as a compliment. After all, that is the entire point of her character, is it not? Laurie Strode is the sympathetic one, and her friends--Lynda in particular--represent everything she is not. Lynda is ditzy, she is loud-mouthed, and she is utterly self-centered. She hits on the cardinal sins of slasher cinema (outlined famously by Jamie Kennedy in Scream), engaging in drinking, smoking and fornication.

In short, Lynda is a bad girl. And in the soon-to-be classic tradition of the decidedly conservative slasher film, she is punished for it. Laurie survives the film because she is virtuous and hard-working. She is a woman of good character. Lynda does not, because she gives in to vice. And while Halloween may not have technically been the first horror film to play out this way, it certainly went a long to codifying it as a hard and fast rule.

So Lynda becomes the origin of the stereotypical slasher film bimbo. And for accomplishing that, P.J. Soles deserves recognition. She has certainly earned a place in the hearts of horror fans in general, and especially fans of Halloween. In fact, there is probably not a single enthusiast of Carpenter's magnum opus who will not fondly reminisce about Soles' irreplaceable part in the film, especially her iconic bedroom death scene at the hands of the sheet-covered Michael Myers, in which she speaks the line from which this post takes its title.

While it may be easy to dismiss the performances of Soles (and to a certain degree, Nancy Loomis as well), those who truly appreciate the evolution of the horror film understand what an essential part she played. For every time we see a nubile, topless, giggling airhead about to meet her maker in a slasher film, it is the legacy of P.J. Soles that we're witnessing. Carpenter and Hill created the role, but it was Soles who gave it life. Before Michael ended it, that is.

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Day of the Woman's P.J. SOLES BLOGATHON Approaches!

Just a quick reminder today, in case you all haven't yet heard of just about the coolest thing going down in the horror blogosphere. BJ-C of Day of the Woman is hosting the first-ever P.J. Soles Blogathon! That's right, an entire week's worth of content from an assortment of blogs, all devoted to everyone's favorite '70s horror movie trollop... I'm proud to be a part of it, and I'm looking forward to a lot of posts that are sure to answer Ms. Soles' eternal question from John Carpenter's Halloween: "See anything you like?"

If you're a loyal Vault dweller, all you need to do is keep your eyes glued to the Vault's sister blog all next week for the lowdown. And if you happen to be an enthusiastic blogger who wants to take part, then feel free to drop BJ-C a line at brittnahjade @ gmail-dot-com. And don't forget to proudly display one of the Blogathon banners, which can be found over at DotW...

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Halloween Comes Early to the Avon Theatre!

Ever since last fall's showing of Return of the Living Dead, it has been the distinct pleasure of my cohort Captain Cruella and myself to host horror films at Stamford, Connecticut's wonderful Avon Theatre, on Bedford Avenue right in the heart of one of the Nutmeg State's most bustling metropolises. We've been party to Poltergeist, The Thing, Maniac and other fine selections in the intervening months, but I think this time we're more psyched than ever before.

That's because next Thursday night, June 16, promptly at 9:15p.m., we will be introducing a special screening of John Carpenter's Halloween--a film that never fails to be at or near the top of just about everyone's list of all-time favorite fright flicks. If you'll recall, this is the film that actually made the very top of the list back when I polled the entire horror blogosphere to determine the 50 Greatest Horror Films of All Time. That's a pretty big deal.

It's the prototypical slasher film, one of the most important in the history of the genre, and it will be our honor to take part in its presentation on the big screen next week. As always, there will be trivia and giveaways before the film, as well as some awesome retro trailers. So join us, Michael Myers, Laurie Strode, Dr. Loomis and the gang for the one, the only, the original Halloween. This is going to be a big one.

For more information, head over to the Avon's website!

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Cruella's Crypt: Halloween at New World Home Cooking

There’s really only one place to be in the Hudson Valley around Halloween, and that’s New World Home Cooking. If you don’t know about New World Home Cooking, or specifically Chef Ric Orlando, recent Food Network “Chopped “ champion, you clearly live under a rock.

New World Home cooking, located on Route 212 in Saugerties, New York, has been dishing out “clean food’ for about 16 years, and is recognized as the place for exceptional food, amazing music and outrageous parties. The recent Halloween season there was no exception.

Chef Orlando’s terrifying treats ranged from blackened chicken dishes, squid ink rice sides, blood orange drinks and so much more! The group I went with all sampled the “dark themed” menu specials for the night, which left us all totally blown away by the flavors, the textures, and the incredibly interesting combinations of all the food that was served.

As the night progressed, more and more Halloween revelers spilled into the place. By 10 pm the entire restaurant was hopping, with people dancing in two rooms separated by a big cozy bar area. One room playing everyone’s favorite disco tunes and the other room more house and techno beats--all jam-packed with dancing bodies and spectacular light shows. The costumes were as original as always--what would you expect? It’s Woodstock, baby! Everyone came out to enjoy what we all have come to know as the IT place to be. I recommend making the trek to spend the weekend in the Hudson Valley--and if you do, make sure to swing in, say hi to Ric, and tell him the Captain sent you.

Cruella gives New World Home Cooking:

4 Decaying Thumbs Up

Be sure to check out their delicious Thanksgiving menu too!

http://www.ricorlando.com/nwhchome.html

845.246.0900

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The Shadow of Samhain: The Headless Horseman

What's that you say? It's the second week of November? Pshaw! The Shadow of Samhain lives on in The Vault, with a look at the enduring legend of the Headless Horseman, from Jeanette Laredo of Monsterland...

“Ichabod was horror-struck on perceiving that [the horseman] was headless!—but his horror was still more increased on observing that the head, which should have rested on his shoulders, was carried before him on the pommel of his saddle!”

--Washington Irving “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow”

Mention the Headless Horseman and most people will recall a larger than life specter that is a staple of Halloween lore and stories told around the campfire. A Hessian decapitated by a cannon ball during the revolutionary war, he wanders the back roads of town called Sleepy Hollow, searching for his head and spiriting away any traveler unlucky enough to cross his path.

The figure of the ghostly Hessian comes to life in Washington Irving’s 1858 spine-tingling tale of an awkward schoolmaster who encounters the supernatural. In it, the horseman pursues Ichabod down dark country lanes, while Ichabod comically tries to escape on his trusty steed, Gunpowder. The chase culminates at the town bridge, where Ichabod believes once he has crossed it he will be safe from the violent spectre, but this part of the old wives’ tale fails Ichabod, as the horseman flings his head across the bridge and knocks Ichabod from his saddle.

The next morning no trace of the schoolmaster can be found, save for his hat and next to it a shattered pumpkin.

While Irving may have given us the most recognizable version of the headless horseman according to Dutch lore, the galloping Hessian can be traced back to other instances of the headless rider in myth and folklore.

In Northern India there is a creature called the “Dund” that rides with his head tied to the pommel of his saddle. He appears before the doorways of villagers, a sword in each hand, and calls the name of the inhabitant within. If the owner of the name answers, he is sure to die from fever or some other malady.

This creature, like the famed Hessian of Irving’s story, has its own fabled backstory. In life his name was Kharak Singh and he continued to fight for his lord after being beheaded in a vicious battle. In order to defeat the spirit, local lore says he must be thrown over a piece of dirty cloth.

The Dund also has an Irish cousin, the Dullahan, an unseelie spirit that prowls the countryside. He is a figure of death, and in addition to holding his disembodied head under his arm, he carries with him other macabre trappings, including a whip made of a human spine. Wherever he stops, someone is due to die and he will call out his name. Like the victims of the Dund, the poor soul will drop dead on the spot. There is no way to stop this dark spirit except for gold. Apparently the Dullahan is afraid of the precious metal and very small amounts can drive it away.

The folkloric versions of the headless horseman give rise to other, more literary versions of the ghost in the 14th century tale of “Sir Gawain and the Green Night” and “Der Wilde Jager,” in 1777 by the German poet, G.A. Burger.

In “Sir Gawain and the Green Knight” the massive figure of the Green Knight intrudes on King Arthur’s court during New Year’s with a challenge for the new King. He demands to receive a blow at the hands of the King, one that he will return a year and a day from now. Sir Gawain, the youngest of King Arthur’s knights, steps in to accept the challenge. His blow lops off the Green Knight’s head. Instead of dying, the Green Knight simply scoops up his noggin and rides away with instructions that Gawain meet him at the Green Chapel a year and a day from now to receive his equal blow.

In Burger’s poem, a cruel huntsman is condemned to be chased by devils for his inhumane treatment of man and beast on earth. Burger’s poem is one of many versions of the German folktale where the pursued horseman appears headless.

Though Irving thrills and chills us to this day with his timeless tale of the headless horseman and the hapless schoolmaster, he is definitely not the first to dream up the nightmare of a headless spirit, hell bent on revenge and destruction.

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The Shadow of Samhain: The Jack O'Lantern

After a little post-Halloween breather, The Shadow of Samhain once against casts a pall over the land! Yes, we're continuing into November...just a few more excellent entries to go. This time, Paul Bibeau, best-selling author of Sundays with Vlad and a blogger in his own right, shares with us one of Halloween's most tried-and-true legends...

The cheery, gap-toothed pumpkin you see on every doorstep conceals a dark history. According to the excellent Halloween by Lesley Bannatyne, we’ve inherited Jack from an Irish folktale about a man thought he could trick the devil.

Stingy and mean-spirited, Jack found himself face to face with Scratch, who told him his time on the earth was up. Jack requested one last drink at the local tavern, and Satan obliged – changing himself into a few coins in Jack’s purse to speed up the transaction and bring him on his way. But the devil found himself trapped by the cross that lay there among Jack’s belongings. In exchange for his freedom, the devil grudgingly granted Jack another year.

When the time passed, he confronted Jack again – and this time Jack’s last request was for the devil to climb up a tree and obtain a delicious apple. Jack whipped out his penknife and carved a cross on the trunk, again trapping the poor Prince of Lies. And this time, Jack’s bargain was to be left alone. When he finally died, Jack was refused admittance into heaven, but the devil couldn’t house him either. He sent him on his way through a dark and windy afterlife, with only a lantern carved out of a turnip and lit with a single ember from hell itself to guide him.

The story is part of a long line of folktales about mortals attempting to trick the devils – or the gods – and gamble with their own fate. And there’s usually a punishment. Because we intuitively understand, in that deep, dark place we don’t visit very often, or willingly… that we aren’t really in control of what happens to us. No matter what you do for the next few decades, or years, or even moments… soon you’ll find yourself, like Jack, being taken by the hand and told it’s time to go. No trick will save you.

A funny thing happened when the Irish came to the new world. They fell in love with these magnificent new world pumpkins, and substituted them for their turnip lanterns. And then the carvings of human faces became more elaborate. Jack became, in a curious way, trapped in his own lantern. Remember that as you trick or treat through a dozen country fields or suburban lawns this season. Because as you pass all those cheery, happy, well-lit faces, you might just hear one of them whisper your name as ask you:

Please. Please let me out.

Paul Bibeau blogs about horror folklore and posts his own scary, funny stories at www.goblinbooks.com.

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VAULT VLOG: Happy Halloween, Vault Dwellers...

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The Lucky 13 Returns! Week One: Halloween

Well, well, well--here we are again. Last summer, The Vault of Horror joined forces with Brutal as Hell to bring you a special series entitled The Lucky 13. Over the course of 13 weeks, the staff of both sites selected their favorite horror films in 13 different sub-genres. We all had a lot of fun, and I like to think it resulted in a lot of thought-provoking reading.

And now, because it was so much fun, BAH impresario Marc Patterson and myself have decided to revisit the whole thing with 13 more horrific categories. This time around, given the time of year, it's all about holiday- and seasonal-related horror (more or less). And what better way to kick things off than with a look at our very favorite Halloween movies?

Unfortunately, we're off to a bit of a slow start this week, but we've still got a couple of fine Halloween offerings from myself and VOH staffer Paige MacGregor. Stay tuned for more contributors in the coming weeks. And be sure to check out Brutal as Hell for their favorite Halloween picks!

B-Sol on Trick 'r Treat

Just a few years ago, Michael Dougherty crafted what can only be described as an unqualified holiday classic. From here on in, let it be known: You watch It's a Wonderful Life on Christmas, Darby O'Gill & The Little People on St. Patrick's Day, Yankee Doodle Dandy on the Fourth of July... and Trick 'r Treat on Halloween. It's as simple as that.

What I truly love about this film is the fact that most of it deals directly with the terrors of children, or is in some way tied into Halloween from a kid's perspective. This connects to something primal in all of us--that kernel deep down inside that is still afraid of the dark from when we cowered under the sheets and watched the closet door intently as we tried to fall asleep. In modern times, Halloween has been a decidedly child-oriented holiday, which is fascinating considering it also deals in matters of the horrific and supernatural.

Trick 'r Treat plays on the connection between children and the horrors of Halloween. This element is literally embodied in that creepy-as-hell little sack-headed scarecrow kid who is basically the center-point of the flick. Forget Jigsaw or The Creeper--this little bugger is without question the iconic horror movie icon of the past decade. It's dark material, but at the same time, never gets so heavy as to lose its sense of fun. That's a tough balancing act to pull off, but Dougherty does it with style.

Paige MacGregor on Hocus Pocus

Although I enjoy slashers, thrillers and various other violent and bloody sub-genres of horror, my favorite Halloween movie isn’t a genre classic like John Carpenter’s Halloween (1978) or even a contemporary indie flick like Michael Dougherty’s Trick ‘r Treat (2007). Instead, I like to get into the Halloween spirit by watching the 1993 Disney movie Hocus Pocus.

The plot is a simple one: Max Dennison (Omri Katiz) and his sister, Dani (Thora Birch), move to Salem just in time for Halloween. In an attempt to impress one of his classmates, Max accidentally resurrects three witches who were put to death 300 years earlier. In an unlikely partnership, Max, Dani and Allison (Vinessa Shaw) join forces with a 300-year-old talking black cat and a reanimated corpse in order to stop the witches from sucking the life out of Salem’s children before the sun rises.

Disney movies don’t always withstand the test of time, but Hocus Pocus remains a Halloween staple in my house for several reasons, not the least of which is Bette Midler’s performance as the eldest Sanderson sister, Winifred. In her role as Winnie Sanderson, Bette Midler not only delivers some of the film’s funniest lines (“He has a little man”), but also leads her co-stars—Sarah Jessica Parker and Kathy Najimy—in a catchy musical number that will be stuck in your head for weeks (although it’s good enough that you won’t mind).

The slapstick antics and clever dialogue of the Sanderson sisters are only part of why Hocus Pocus will remain an important part of my Halloween holiday traditions, and we have writers David Kirschner (story), Mick Garris (story/screenplay) and Neil Cuthbert (screenplay) to thank for that. Of course, Sarah Jessica Parker and Kathy Najimy’s performances are similarly comical and impressive as the middle sisters, and it doesn’t hurt that Sarah Jessica Parker wears so much makeup that she’s barely recognizable. Hocus Pocus is a unique blend of fantasy, comedy, and Disney musical that is great for children and adults alike, and I highly recommend watching it at least once this Halloween season.

* * * * * * * * * *

Join us next week for The Lucky 13, as we head into the month of November with a look at the popular sub-genre of "Man vs. Nature...

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The Shadow of Samhain: Halloween Isn't Devil Worship; or, Where the Hell's My Halloween Carnival Gone?

Just a couple more days until Halloween is upon us. I've had so many worthy posts submitted for this series that it will be definitely continuing into next month. For now, as we lead into Halloween itself, I give you this intriguing piece from Erin Lashley of In It for the Kills, in which she deplores the gross misunderstanding of the holiday's Samhain roots amidst present-day bible-thumping America...

In many communities in the United States, Halloween has been banned from the schools amid accusations that the holiday originated in and celebrates devil worshiping. Kids in such places are no longer allowed to dress up in costumes for school, and the Halloween carnival has been replaced with a namby pamby "fall festival." This is more than just the usual reactionary tactic of calling whatever you don't like "Satanic." It is a complete misunderstanding of the history and heritage of the many Americans who are descended from Celts.

Samhain, the holiday festival we now call Halloween, was celebrated first by ancient people centuries before the birth of Christ. Not only is it not anti-Christ (or pro-devil), but it has nothing to do with Christ. To suggest otherwise is like comparing pumpkins to palm fronds. You can't worship someone who doesn't yet exist. No Christian God, no devil.

The Celts believed that the line between the spirit world and the physical world blurred during the festival of Samhain and that spirits could come over to visit our world. The good spirits, their family members who had passed, were welcomed home for a visit with good food and a warm fire. The bad spirits, what we might now refer to as demons, were wisely feared and therefore discouraged from dropping by for a snack. That is where we get the tradition of scary costumes, from the people dressing up as evil spirits in an attempt to keep the bad chaps away. Costumes did not seek to glorify demons, but to deter them.

In light of the confusion it's ironic that what we now know as Christianity actually adapted to suit the already existing holiday of Samhain. The Feast of All Saints or Hallowmas, now celebrated on November 1, was moved from February to November around the 9th century in order to tie in with Samhain.

The false connection with Satanism seems to have begun in the 18th century when a myth began that Samhain was a god of the dead and not a holiday. This misinformation came first from a series of books written by Col. Charles Vallency, who was trying to prove that the Irish came from Armenia. It was furthered by Godfrey Higgins, who apparently confused the name of the festival Samhain with the name of a Hindu deity named Samana; Higgins was trying to prove that the Celtic Druids came from India.

If there was a character in Celtic history whose name was similar to Samhain, it would have been a folk hero named Saman. However, some religious folks have taken the idea of a lord of the dead who likely didn't exist, equated his imaginary with that of their Satan, and then dropkicked this falsehood through the goalposts of everyone else's good time.

Samhain was the most important holiday of the year to the Celts. They only thought of the year as being divided into two seasons: summer and winter. Samhain was the end of summer, when they thanked their gods for the harvest so that the gods would provide another one next year. The people also settled their financial debts with one another at Samhain.

The holiday was symbolic of the cycle of life in general: one year dies so another can live. The Celts acknowledged the power of death as being the only part of life they could not control, but it was not something to be feared. They honored their dead at this time, but did not fear them either. They reserved their fear for living people, who could do far more damage.

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The Shadow of Samhain: A Saturday in Salem

For the record, I take this Shadow of Samhain thing very seriously (so much so, in fact, that it looks to be spilling over right into November...), and therefore, it became clear that before the series had reached its conclusion, I would have to pay my very first visit to one of the epicenters of the occult, one of the places most dear to the history of pagan traditions--Salem, Massachusetts. So last weekend, I packed up the fam-- three generations of Solomons strong--and made that trek up the Mass Turnpike to the place where, in 1692, one of the worst atrocities in American history took place.

In the end, I learned a great deal about the true history of witchcraft, about the realities of the actual witch trials, and perhaps most decidedly of all, about the horrendous traffic conditions in Salem in October. To put it as simply as possible, people, my best advice to you is that, if you decide to visit there between now and Halloween, use a helicopter. Maybe one of the shopkeepers will let you land it on their roof, I don't know. All I know is, at the end of a six-hour drive--three of which consisted of looking for a place to park--I was about ready to be burned at at the stake (or, more properly, hanged, as my witch-expert blogger buddy Andre Dumas points out.)

However, it truly was a blast to experience, and I'm glad we took the trouble to head out there. There is a rich tradition that permeates that town, and an almost tangible sense of the supernatural that seems to lurk around every corner. Supposedly, the town rests on some ancient crater that focuses occult energies--it sounds like something out of Ghostbusters to me, but hey, I'd certainly like to believe it's true.


Right off the bat, one of the attractions that caught little Zombelina's interest was the mysterious House of the Seven Gables, made famous in Nathaniel Hawthorne's novel. To satisfy my daughter's curiosity, we headed over there forthwith, only to discover that it was completely sold out for the day (how does a historic landmark "sell out", anyway?) Nevertheless, I managed to sneak the little one past the ticket line and on to the grounds of the house for a bit, even if we couldn't go in. We were able to find the birthplace of Hawthorne, which did give the English major in me a shiver of glee.


From there, we discovered a most unique and interesting place. It was the World of Witches Museum, on Wharf Street. Whereas most of the museum-like attractions in the town are preoccupied with the actual Witch Trials of 1692, this place seemed to be the only one providing a genuine overview of and appreciation for the entire history of witches and witchcraft, from a Wiccan point of view. Highly recommended for anyone interested in learning more about the actual Wiccan community of Salem, beyond all the tourist-trapism. At one point, they encouraged my kids to pick out gemstones from a pile, as a way of divining something about their personality--whereupon we learned that my son, Wee-Sol, is destined to basically rule the world at some point. So there's that.


Pirate ships, eclectic shops and spooky old graveyards were the order of the day, until the evening came, and it was time for the trolley tour. Thanks to this tour, I was able to learn that apparently Salem is haunted by about 67,492 ghosts. In fact, if I had to estimate, I'd day it's more than likely that there are more spirits residing in the town than living people. If our tour guide is to be believed, that is. Let's see, there's the famous Joshua Ward House, haunted by one-time Salem High Sheriff George Corwin; the jewel thief and the woman in white who haunt Baker's Island; and of course, the restaurant Rockafella's, a former church believed to have so much supernatural activity, it's a wonder there's any room for the patrons.

Are these stories true, or based on any semblance of truth? Honestly--and this is something I picked up in the wild and woolly world of rasslin', where tall tales are the order of the day--I don't really care. I'm more interested in the pleasure of hearing the tale than in discerning its veracity. I want them to be true--and that is good enough for me.

Following our tour and a quick bite to eat, it was time to depart the fair town of Salem and head for home (yes, it was a mere day trip--what can I say? We're a family of masochists.) The long, thankfully traffic-free ride home was filled with ruminations of witchery and things that go bump in the night. I'm very glad I had the opportunity to finally see the Halloween capital of America. Perhaps an annual visit will be in order from here on in...

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The Shadow of Samhain: How I Learned to Stop Pumpkin Carving and Love the Turnip

Welcome back to The Shadow of Samhain, as we are now less than two weeks away from our favorite day... This time, Jen Parnell of Zombies Are Magic stops by to share with us the ancient, yet oft-overlooked Halloween tradition of turnip carving. So gather round, put the pumpkins away, and listen...

This month we celebrate Halloween, also known as All Hallows’ Eve, All Saints’ Eve, and, if you want to go really old school, Samhain. Samhain is derived from Old Irish and means “Summers End.” Celtic people celebrated the changing of the seasons during Samhain. Because they were going from a season of “light” to a season of “dark,” ancient Celts believed the boundary between this world and the Otherworld could be crossed, allowing spirits, both good and bad, to pass. Therefore the Celts created a variety of traditions to honor and protect themselves from the dead during this important harvest festival. Dressing in costume and lighting bonfires were just a few ways to honor and appease the spirits. As the pagan Samhain evolved into the not-so-Pagan Halloween, many of these traditions continued. Apple bobbing, trick or treating, and turnip carving can all be traced back to Samhain.

Alright, so turnip carving didn’t exactly take off like the rest of these traditions did. Irish and Scottish immigrants brought their All Hallows’ Eve customs to America with them, including carving turnips or rutabagas to ward off evil spirits. Being the smart people that they were, they quickly discovered that carving pumpkins was a whole lot easier than carving turnips. Hence, the Jack O’ Lantern we know and love today. Nevertheless, there is a small underground movement afoot aimed at reviving the tradition of turnip carving. I am, so far, the only member of the group I know of, but I hear there are whole groups of people, especially in Ireland, devoted to the cause. Before I make my case for the turnip, let’s explore how and why this tradition got started.

The practice of carving hollowed-out turnips, known as “Samhnag” in Scottish Gaelic, dates back many hundreds of years. The turnips were turned into lanterns by placing a burning ember or small candle inside to commemorate the souls in purgatory. The small lanterns were also placed in windows to ward off the evil dead. The scarier the face, the more effective it was at keeping malevolent spirits away. Later, perhaps because these traditions were a bit too Pagan for some tastes, the legend of “Stingy Jack” arose to explain this custom.

“Stingy Jack” is a bit of Irish folklore about a drunken miser who dared to challenge the Devil and paid the ultimate price for it. There are many variations of the story but the basic outline is that Jack was out drinking with the Devil one night and when the tab arrived, Jack convinced the Devil to turn himself into a coin to pay the barkeep. The Devil would then turn himself back into his original form and leave the barkeep none the wiser. The Devil agreed, but instead of paying the bartender, Jack placed the coin in his pocket next to a crucifix, thus trapping the Devil. Jack kept him there for quite a while, only agreeing to let him out when the Devil promised never to come and claim Jack’s soul. Jack died 10 years later and found himself banished from Heaven for his wicked ways. He went to the Devil to find a resting place but the Devil refused to take him, citing their earlier agreement.

Thus, Jack was doomed to wander the earth in eternal darkness. The Devil, feeling sorry for Jack, offered him a gift: a single ember to light his way. Jack hollowed out a turnip, his favorite food, to hold the ember and illuminate his path. Tradition holds that placing a lighted turnip on your doorstep will remind the wandering Jack of his penance, thus keeping him from mischief.

Whether derived from Celtic ritual or Irish folklore, turnip carving caught on. That is, until the big, soft, delicious pumpkin was discovered and turnips went right out the window. Being the good Irish gal that I am, I decided to forgo carving pumpkins this year and devote myself to the turnip. The hard, smelly, bad tasting turnip. I can’t say that I have ever knowingly eaten a turnip in my life. After carving one I am not about to start. But I can say that carving a turnip takes determination and guts, and the end result is totally worth it. Here is how you do it.

1. Pick out a turnip (the larger the better. Try to get one with some color.)
2. Cut the bottom off to make a flat surface.
3. Grab every knife, saw, or sharp spoon at your disposal.
4. Slice off the top of the turnip to make the lid.
5. Spend the next hour carving out the center. Have Air Freshener and band-aids at the ready.
6. Carve a face into the turnip. Try to make it look like a Gaelic face. I don’t know what that looks like but we want to be authentic.
7. Place a burning ember inside. If you do not have a burning ember available, a tea light will do.
8. Place the lid back on and you have a Jack O’ Turnip. (Warning, the lid will catch on fire. Take your pictures immediately.)

I suggest you carve your turnip outside since they smell and you won’t be tempted to make a pie out of the filling. They also begin to wither in about two days, so enjoy your turnip while you can. All joking aside, turnip carving is pretty awesome and the end result is really creepy, in a shrunken head sort of way. Having carved my turnips and placed them outside my door, I feel that festering souls, evil spirits, and Stingy Jack will all be appeased. I will now go back to eating my pumpkin pie, drinking my pumpkin beer, and lighting my pumpkin candles knowing that my Samhnag is keeping me safe.

Give turnip carving a try, I can’t say you won’t be sorry, you probably will, but at least you can say you were keeping it old school. Happy Halloween, All Hallows’ Eve, and Samhain to everybody!

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