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Monday, June 29, 2009

Horror Movie Makeover: Honey, I Shrunk the Kids

From the minds of Stuart Gordon and Brian Yuzna, the men who brought you such visions of terror as Re-Animator, From Beyond, and Return of the Living Dead III, comes this horrifying tale of science gone tragically wrong...

Wayne Szalinski is a man playing with the forces of nature, venturing to the border of man's given domain in an attempt to wield more power than the human race was ever meant to wield. Specifically, his feverish experiments are concerned with the manipulation of matter, with shrinking objects down from their original size into grotesque, miniaturized versions--a direct affront to the divine order.

Caught up in the excitement of his discoveries, Dr. Szalinski, like so many other mad scientists before him, neglects to consider the dangerous ramifications of his creation. And so it happens that one day, while he is absent from his laboratory, his own children and their friends are accidentally exposed to his infernal device's piercing blue ray.

As a result, they are shrunk down to the size of insects, and in that instant, our everyday world becomes a hell on earth, with lethal threats waiting around every corner. Ignorant of the result of his tampering with nature, the doctor accidentally sweeps his own children into the garbage and puts them outside, forcing them to embark on a hellacious journey across the lawn and back into the house--a rather simple trip transformed into a death ride thanks to their father's crime against God.

Along the way, the four innocent children are subjected to horrors the likes of which normal-sized humans would never consider. A lawnmower becomes a colossal engine of vivisection; a sprinkler showers death from above upon them; and ordinary garden bugs become massive, demonic predators set on devouring their flesh. As hunger gnaws at their insides, they are forced to fight for their sustenance with towering, bloodthirsty ants.

Helpless to do anything about it as the realization dawns on him of what he's actually done, Dr. Szalinski, panic-stricken after the fact, attempts to find his lost children, with the aid of his wife and the other frantic parents. But despite their best efforts, it is actually the family dog that rescues the children from certain death, bringing them back into the house on its back like so many festering ticks.

Yet the danger is not over. In the most cruel twist of fate of all, the doctor nearly eats his own children after they plunge accidentally into his morning breakfast. Once again, it is the dog that save the children from being torn to pieces, and at last Dr. Szalinski discovers the children and siezes upon the opportunity to correct the grievous sin he has committed.

On that fateful afternoon, Dr. Szalinski is given the second chance so many of us in life never get, especially those whose transgressions are so egregious. It is only after finding a way to use his machine to return the children to their natural state, that Dr. Szalinski at last understands the price of venturing into matters forbidden to man...

1 comment:

Al Bruno III said...

You know this would totally count as a horror film for me because I HATE movies where people are shrunken.

They just get under my skin somehow...

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